Thank You 2022!
Anddd another pandemic year has flown by just like that! I don't know if it's all the vaccines, the virus starting to admit defeat, human resilience and adaptability, or perhaps human indifference at this point but the pandemic is finally starting to seem more like pandemic rather than PANDEMIC. And at least for me, that general invincibility we used to have as we went about our days during our pre-pandemic lives is starting to return.
2022 would be one of my more unique years because it has been a year of forced introspections for me. I spent nearly two weeks in isolation with COVID in July. Feeling too ill to even watch a movie, I spent most of those two weeks staring at my ceiling and just… letting my thoughts pass me by. I was too tired to let my inner critic pick my thoughts apart or for my overthinking tendencies to make a mountain out of a molehill. So, all those repressed thoughts I had deemed too ambitious, too embarrassing, too complex just… drifted by gently. I also realised I’ve outgrown the vivacious magenta I had painted my room in my early twenties.
And then there’s my week in India too. If you had told me at the start of this year, while I was sharing my 2022 BuJo with Pachaikiligal Tholodu as the audio for my Instagram Reel that I would be going to India later this year, I would have laughed. “Please.” is what I would have said. Yet, towards the end of the year, here I was, on a plane, flying to India, listening to Pachaikiligal Tholodu with tears streaming down my face – just overwhelmed by the fact that I’m finally going back. Quite fitting too - years ago, I would cry every time I had to leave India. And now crying because I’m finally going to India just felt like a full circle moment.
Going back to India is like going on a yoga retreat for me (sans people’s unwarranted input on my marriage). I'm used to my childhood visits when and where there was no WiFi, no internet, and nothing but a small black and white TV that works IF there's electricity (it was probably the size of my iPad right now – I don’t know if this makes me seem ancient, but technology still surprises me). And that's exactly what I try to recreate every time I go back. I won’t lie, I still activated data roaming for emergency purposes. But for the most part, without devices and distractions, it's incredible what steps forward from your subconscious to your awareness. As you just be, thoughts washing over you while you fixate on a point in the sky or the paddy fields.
And ALLL these forced periods of meditation of sorts turned into this great way to reconnect with myself. Which in turn, I found, is a fantastic way to set myself up for the new year and my era of thirties. I’m not a fan of seeing age synonymously with limits and checklists or all those phrases like your twenties are your trial period for your adulthood, for you to make mistakes so you’re settled into your thirties and beyond. But I do try to be mindful of making sure I’ve grown in some form over the years and over the decades – that I’m not stagnant. So, while I had entered my thirties in a slightly frenzied manner because of everything that has going on in the world, these periods of looking within calmed down the fight/flight instincts that had been taking the forefront to nearly everything I approached in life lately. While the pandemic made the value of taking life day to day abundantly clear, I had also gotten to a place where today was sufficient and so, I was gently reminded of the value of looking beyond today. Setting in motion for all these internal thoughts on what I want from the next year, the next decade, and how I present myself in all my relationships. Which I’m… grateful for. It’s so easy to get swept up with career goals, and personal goals that sometimes you forget to reassess if your goals actually still serve you or if they’re merely what you think you need. My takeaways? I was right about needing to say "no" more, I do need to give myself as much importance as that which I give the people in my life and to maybe take myself/ life a little less seriously.
So does all this mean a new year, new me? Not at all! It's just a small refresh. While COVID-19 is still very real and is still fairly triggering, this is me coming out of the woods. And for the most part, I'm a bit optimistic and a bit hopeful about 2023. I'm actually nervous to feel this way – almost like I could jinx it. But pandemic or not, maybe, just maybe, next year could different. Maybe next year could be positive. And while the pre-pandemic life pointed out the numerous deficiencies in our day-to-day life, maybe, just maybe we can love again and laugh again in a way that’s familiar in the new year. And for this refresh in my mindset and extremely internal reflections that have tweaked my outlook in a very necessary, albeit, difficult to word way, I'm very grateful for my 2022. I hope you had a great one too, and thank you for sharing another year with me. See you in the next one!
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter, "Thendral's Telegraph" here!*
