Thank you, 2021
I blinked and I missed 2021! I feel like that’s the only way I can describe this year! When you ask me how my 2021 was, my intuitive response is “Oh it SUCKED!” and “It was a bit of a let-down compared to what I was expecting from it!” I think I came into 2021 expecting more from it than how it actually transpired. And my bar was already fairly low for 2021. I feel like the end of 2020/ the dawn of 2021 had a note of optimism to it. There was the promise of vaccines, possible pills, rumours about borders opening up, so I thought 2021 would be the time to start adjusting back to the lives we know. To regroup from the misery of 2020 and then 2022 would be the year we hit the ground running on something that resembles our pre-pandemic lives. Now at the cusp of it, 2022 just feels like a ginormous question mark. New variants are STILL popping up. I believe we have a pill? And it looks like we might need to get our fourth shot after all. Which while truly wonderful (thank you science!), it is also mind-boggling to me – that we went from “hey, vaccines are going to be here!” to “we might need four shots guys!” within a span of a year! I can’t believe I’ve been poked by needles three times this year already! Four if you count my upcoming flu vaccine! I’m the type of person who planned three piercings over the course of two years.
But all this is still great news because with these vaccines and most of us following protocols on masks and sanitising, people are finally getting to see family they haven’t in years. Some are able to go on that well-deserved holiday. Some are even able to go out for some fresh air without a mask in their neighbourhood! That rigidity which transpired to a mental one and made us feel so trapped and stifled appears to be cracking ever so slightly open. And for some of us, the ability to finally do these things is probably what will allow us to keep going. I went to look at my “Goodbye 2020!” post and it’s interesting to see my observations then and the similarities between the climate then and now. I’m still worried about money. I still think life will find a way (nope, not gonna give up on the Jurassic Park reference, sorry). I still think one day we will make it out of this fine because we are TENACIOUS. I’m still so very grateful everyone I love is happy, healthy and safe and generally shielded from the pandemic. I just did an eyeshadow haul. I’ve never been more grateful for my earpieces. I thought Zoom would have a competitor for sure by now so I’m surprised it’s still dominating the market! And the fact of the matter is, I’m still uncertain on how to set up a meeting through Zoom. I only know how to join one. Also, like, whatever happened to Skype?? Has anyone checked in on them?? I feel like it wasn’t THAT long ago when I was in university and would Skype my friend who went on an overseas exchange programme.
Moving on, when I read my “Goodbye 2020!” post, I also see how much easier 2020 was on me. 2021 has felt downright cruel at times and was near hell between September and November. Yet, when I was putting together an Instagram Reel that captures my 2021 in months, I was shocked – truly SHOCKED – by how much happened this year. And more positive events than I had thought! I assumed so many things that happened in May or June to have happened end of last year maybe. That Justin Bieber song about how he gets his weed in California? It came out in March. I thought I’ve known the song for two or three years now! Remember the giveaway I held? That was July. I had re-joined my old workplace for just over a year! Before this introspection, the only thing I could have told you happened for certain in 2021 was thendraluthaman.com turning four and me hitting thirty. And that’s probably because I talked about it so much on here! Everything else feels like a different lifetime and all I could see when I looked back at 2021 was how many times I came close to just giving up and feeling so very tired.
And now that we are in December, I can’t believe how unlike December is from my October and even my November. I can’t even believe how different I sounded about the year in June! In fact, this December is significantly unlike the Decembers I’ve had before. I usually take myself out to a couple of malls to look at Christmas décor, shop Christmas edition items and just be part of that festive vibe. This year felt surprisingly muted. December is usually when things start to simmer down and I kick back, drink some hot chocolate for the heck of it even though I’m in Singapore and it’s 32 degree Celsius. But for once, things are actually just picking up pace and I’ll be going into January BUSY as I can be! I’m a bit excited because I can’t remember the last time I was already off to the races before the year even started. When I was doing my thesis or my A levels maybe? But of course, there’s a part of me that’s terrified (enough to have a panic attack recently!) and also a part of me that just feels a little tired and like a little break could do wonders. Oh, before I forget and while we are still on this, things are going to look a little different here in 2022! I’ll share a bit more about that on my new year’s post when things are a bit more settled and I have drawn up a better plan – keep your eyes out for that! But I suppose this change in my December is all part of 2020’s lessons: the “normal” you once knew is dead and gone. These are terrifying times and I’m just counting myself lucky to remain relatively unscathed. Although, I do feel like perhaps there could have been more advancements in the two years we have had to study this virus. I finally went to look up the Spanish flu and I can’t believe how the safety measures have still not changed! You’re telling me a prevention and protection measure against a similar virus has been to wash your hands for about a hundred years now?? I’m not even asking about the 2003 SARS outbreak (which was pretty bad here in Asia and was also a similar virus) but the Spanish flu! It’s still mask up and wash your hands with soap?! I suppose the accessibility to Dettol is the only thing that’s changed since it came to be after the Spanish flu but have our regular soaps gotten super sanitised or something like at the least? Meanwhile, the only thing that seems to have evolved since the 2003 SARS outbreak is our ability to port around maybe ten songs to tens of millions of songs! (I promise this is all in light-hearted fun, I know how much science has evolved since and death tolls are not in clusters like they used to be so please don’t quote me! Please mask up and sanitise your hands!!)
I feel like this is where I should end things on a hopeful note about 2022 but all I know for sure is I’m so very nervous about 2022. I’m nervous about how uncharted it feels and unlike the novelty aspect of it that should excite me, it’s the unfamiliarity that my brain chooses to latch on. Then again, I can’t believe how deeply transformative 2021 was than I think of it intuitively. I need to etch that into my memory. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown as an individual too, in terms of how I see life, and in relationships where I know how to separate the “me” from the “us”. So if I’ve been through all THAT, I can only assume I’ll make it out of 2022 just as fine too. Thank you, 2021. It’s been a RIDE and then some. And YOU! Thank you for letting me be a part of your 2021, thank you for sharing your 2021 at times with me. Here’s to a happier and healthier 2022!
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