Well hello, 2022!
Hello my friends, happy 2022! *cue I don’t know about you BUT I’M FEELING TWENTY TWOOOO!* I’ll stop with the clichés now please don’t click off the article.
So, another new year. I entered 2020 optimistic, I entered 2021 optimistic and I’m entering 2022 feeling… hesitant. That’s the word. Hesitant. Nervous. A little out of depth. I’ve rarely been that person who would write the date, look at it and realise, “Oh dearie me, I’ve written last year instead of this year!”, strike it out and rewrite it. But, for some reason I can already see myself making that mistake this year. I’ve not fully wrapped my head around 2022 and I think it’s because this past December didn’t feel like the other Decembers I’ve had before. The Christmas spirit was pretty low key for some reason, it wasn’t that cold around this part of the world, and the month kind of went by unnoticed. So I feel like I didn’t get to do a proper bow out to 2021 to welcome 2022. 6 days in and it feels like I almost like imagined 1 January 2022. Like I can’t believe it has actually happened.
I suppose all this hesitancy also comes about because it’s as if I’m a little scared to hope. I’m a little scared to hope this might be the year we will be truly done with Covid-19. That this might be the year life doesn’t feel stunted. That this might be the year we start feeling normal again. A new kind of normal, because there are SO many things about the pre-Covid life that just might not work anymore. But still normal enough to find some familiarity and thus comfort. But what is life without hope? An inability to cherish the pockets of joy. And so, we hope. I hope this will be the year we find good health. I hope this will be the year of a semblance of normalcy again. I hope this will be the year there will be some change.
And I’ve been itching for some change. Pandemic or not, my life has felt quite the same since around 2014/2015 and I’m so ready to shake things up. But I’m also a bit ambivalent. The correct way to explain things is, I feel like a snow globe. Like a shaken-up snow globe. Agitated and unsettled. But here’s the thing! Have you seen how snow globes usually have some glitter or something reflective that catches the light to shimmer? So as ruffled as I feel, there are these small glimmers of excitement inside me. Maybe it IS exciting to find a new signature perfume after all (and thus pretty much a new identity). Maybe it IS exciting to try and see Singapore in a different light. Maybe it IS exciting to start a new job at thirty! That’s right, I started a new full-time job this past December! I am excited, I’m nervous, I feel a “newness” energy I’ve not felt in five or six years, and I feel like I’m too old to be changing jobs all at the same time. There were numerous reasons why I had to take this job but I’ll be writing full-time and I’m excited about that. I’m excited to start thirty and a new year as a writer.
Talking about my new job also feels like the perfect time to segue to some changes on here. Now, because it’s a full-time position, there are some things I’ll be changing around here. The biggest and most important being Tenacious Women content will be placed on indefinite hold. I really don’t think I have the capacity to research people and set up an entire tenacious woman feature two months ahead just right now. I am absolutely gutted about this. It’s a decision I have to make, but I just struggle to accept it. I’ll also be pacing myself in terms of content here. I’ll still post every Thursday BUT! I will only post for 4 Thursdays and Thendral’s Take at the end of the month. So to clarify a bit on that, there are 5 Thursdays in March, June, and September (December too actually but it doesn’t matter because I take a break over the holidays!) And it just so happens the last day of March falls on a Thursday too which means that Thursday, there would have to be a blog post and Thendral's Take for March. On top of my full-time job. Guys, I'm sorry if this makes me seem weak but I feel tired just saying that. Also, in previous instances where I have pushed myself to generate content is exactly how I would crash and burn the following month with writer’s block and no idea what to even talk about. And so in these months, there won’t be five Thursday posts, only 4. I also plan to schedule a small break in June or July. Just to pace myself and focus on consistent, good content rather than pushing out content just because I feel like I should.
Those of you who read “Something I’ve been working on”, would also know about my book and that will be another important focus for me this year. I’m hoping to get a publishing agent by the end of this year or perhaps just self-publish it on this site! Could that be another change this year? I don’t know but I’m excited to find out. Nervous definitely because it’s such a gigantic step. But also excited. This is another reason why Tenacious Women has to take a back seat: full-time job + thendraluthaman.com + Instagram content + revising book and contacting publishing agents feels enough on my plate I think. I keep telling myself it’s not like I’m abandoning Tenacious Women, I’m just giving my childhood (Is 14 or 15 considered “childhood”? No? Childhood-ish then) dreams a shot. I’m just reprioritising my goals. But of course, the part of me that wants to do everything at one go is like “I’m a FAILURE!!”
Anyway! Back to the topic of changes and creating ~newness~. So, around the age of 28, I started noticing how I could no longer wolf down incredible quantities of briyani like I used to. The cream bun I’ve been eating since my childhood suddenly seemed too sweet even though the recipe has not changed. And there was just a bunch of other things with food my body started, where it just physically opposed what I conjectured in my mind or doing wonky things like craving for spinach and broccoli. I’ve always told myself I’ll eat as much as I want right now, I won’t hold myself back but the minute I turn 30, it’s time to make some lifestyle changes. Coincidentally, I started to feel generally unwell early to mid-last year. I was bloated all the time, sometimes my tummy was so HUUUGEEE my clothes couldn’t fit. Sometimes I was so full of gas it hurt. Heartburns were common. I felt foggy. The only way to describe it is my entire internal system felt congested. ALL the time. At first, I thought my stress-induced IBS was back and so cue all the lavender oil diffusing, trying to be calm, etc. That didn’t work. Increasing exercise, yoga, fruit intake, water intake, probiotics intake, nil, nada, nothing. And I don’t like to go the doctor unless I have a concrete problem; I didn’t want to go in super vague like, “Hi, I just feel gassy and unwell but don’t know how to describe it.” I came across an ad for Circles DNA around this time and thought “Well, why not!” My results are in, and surprise! Guess who has to pull the “New year, new diet!!” situation! I have an allergy I did not know about. It’s a shocker, but I’m just trying to see how it could have been worse, at least I have a solution now, maybe it IS exciting to start a new diet. Did you believe that? I barely did.
Some other ways I’ll be trying to infuse some newness in my life would be:
exploring more of Singapore (safely)
reading 36 books
watching 36 movies
trying out new recipes rather than sticking to the ones I already know
seeing how I can incorporate more meaning into my downtime rather than mindlessly scrolling ALL the time. Sidebar, maybe find a new hobby too.
Even as I’ve finished talking about all this, I still feel uncertain. Because I feel like I don’t know what to expect with this year. And so there’s a part of me that just wants to stick to what I already know. Like maybe I shouldn’t try and publish a book, maybe I shouldn’t change my diet even though it looks like a necessity, maybe I shouldn’t go to the library. Then the part of me that’s so very desperate for change takes over, demanding to know what I have to lose. It asks, “If it takes strength to willingly lose your sense of comfort, is it not a weakness to stay where you don’t belong?” and I decide I might as well try.
If you’re nervous about 2022, I hear you, if you’re optimistic about 2022, I’m happy for you, if you’re cynical about 2022, hey, do you, but either way, I hope this will be a great year for you!
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