My Relationship With Food
I love food. It's SO important for me to have my meals. I've never been that person who would say "Oh my God! I was so busy doing this thing that I forgot to have my lunch!". Nope. Sorry. That's too impossible for me. And too difficult of a concept for me to understand. Because no matter how caught up I am with something, if the stomach is growling, it's a major system shut down for me. And I mean major. I have to stop what I'm doing, get my food and then come back and continue what I was doing.
And it's not just important for me that I have my food. It's important for me that people around me have their food as well. If you want money from me, just say you haven't eaten in a while. I will hand over my watch, my cards and my cash. And that is not an exaggeration, that is the honest extent I would go to get you your food. Sounds a bit dysfunctional? Get comfortable, we are just getting started.
I am Tamil and just like most cultures, food is an integral part of our culture. We have sayings and adages on the art of hospitality (in the form of food, no less). We have elaborate dishes that are specific for the different religious observations we have. And we love our rice - we have a festival that honours farmers and thanks the Sun. Food is so important to us that if a guest didn't have a glass of water at the very least at your home, that means bridges have been burned. No, I'm dead serious. This is an actual thing. Growing up amidst this, and the general notion across Asia that food is associated with well-being, growth and development, I grew up feeling the need to eat well. What is more, just like many of us, I eat to appease my emotions. I fainted in yoga class? Time for a red velvet cupcake or a slice of chocolate cake! Am I using a lot of my brain in doing something? Is my teeth feeling itchy? Better get something crunchy like peanuts or a bag of potato chips. Did someone say "good job"? I deserve a treat! Got to make a stop for a Boston cream on the way home!
And before you knew it, I was chubby, a teenager and upset that boys weren't looking at me. Hell, I couldn't bring myself to look at a mirror. So I went on the almighty Internet to look up food and quick ways for weight loss. I guess you could say they were consistent in their opinions?
1. Cut back on sodas! - I can count with one hand the number of sodas I have in a year.
2. Remove sugar from your morning coffee! - I haven't put sugar in my coffee in years.
3. Substitute meat/ bacon/ [insert other high carb or high fat content item here] with kale/ butternut squash/ current vegetable fad! - I am vegetarian. I have chicken once in a month or two months.
So I'm eating well right? These things don't apply to me! What was going wrong? This was when I tried dieting. Low carb diet, low sugar diet, calorie counting diet. I once felt adventurous and went on a week's diet counting calories with low fat and sugar content. That's right. ALL three. And guess what. I crashed and burned. Oh you guys. It was SO baaaaad. My blood pressure levels dropped, I was giddy, weak, I had to have supplements. It took me two weeks to nurse myself back to my usual self. I know. I wish this was a hilarious anecdote as well but having experienced the full brunt of it, I assure you it's not. Ask my friends.
It took me a while to finally realise the problem. I was actively looking for ways and things I should be removing from my daily meals. I didn't focus on what I was lacking and what I should be adding. And that's when I identified my two biggest culprits - protein and vegetables. You see, I was eating protein and vegetables. But it was below the daily recommended amount. As someone who loves food, can you imagine the joy I felt that I had to be adding things to my daily meals? I was near tears. You mean I can still ... eat? So when I started incorporating more fun and delicious recipes with tofu and chickpeas and peanut butter, I felt so happy! I was full, I wasn't grumpy because I wasn't denying myself from eating and I was eating! Also, with an increase in my protein, I didn't nibble mindlessly as much as I used to. You know those nibblings that goes unaccounted for - like that cookie your colleague offers from her weekend baking experiment and you don't want to be rude by refusing so you take one. Or that gallon of frappuccino you get instead of a cup of coffee because there's a promotion. Or that 5 pieces of chips you grab on your way back to your room from the kitchen just because. Well guess what, Thendral? They ALL EVENTUALLY get accounted for by your waistline or your pimples or your thighs. And you thought you were being so good and exercising portion control by eating 5 pieces of chips instead of the bag.
Anyway. Another important thing I realised was that I looked at healthy eating as something to do with willpower. Which meant I crashed in front of a burger or a plate of briyani on a nearly weekly basis saying "FINE. I'M WEAK. I SHALL NOT REPRODUCE BECAUSE MY KIDS ARE NOT GOING TO DO WELL IN THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST THING." Any diet, any "food program", or any food restrictions I got myself into was super easy to get out off. That's when I came across this concept of "why power". And that really helped with my perspective and attitude towards food and nutrition. I established my why power as wanting to stay healthy in the long run, to have healthy and glowing skin and well. If I'm not taking care of myself, who else is going to? This was something I could incorporate as a sustainable practice in the long run. And by the time I figured out my why power, I had started exercising so that really helped out with my metabolism as well.
So is my relationship with food excellent now? No. But it's so much better than when I was 16 years old. I still eat junk food around the time of my period because screw you. I'm miserable and uncomfortable so if food gives me comfort so be it. Because I'm eating responsibly the other 25 days of the month. I don't shut myself off to cravings anymore. If I want chocolate, I reach for a dark chocolate of good quality. Because they are so rich and so good, I get the satisfaction I need from one cube in the bar as opposed to wolfing down entire run-off-the-mill chocolate bars that are full of sugar and additives. I don't starve myself between meals, instead I look for having a proper and nutritious snack. I still do feel a pang when I have fried chicken even though it's once in a month or two months. Have I lost weight? Nope. I weigh what I used to weigh as a size 16. I'm a size 8-10 now. I love food and just like any relationship, it has its ups and downs and is a constant work in progress. But hey! If relationships were good 24/7, there's a problem there isn't it? So far the most part, I'm satisfied with my relationship with food. And I hope you are too.
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