The Pursuit of Happiness
A lot of us talk about wanting to be more happy, about how it's time we incorporate more things or experiences in our lives that make us happy. And for the longest time, so did I. One morning I woke up and decided that from now on, I'm going to be happy. I tossed out the pair of pants that made me feel fat, I ate a piece of chocolate cake just because I felt like it, I fantasized about burning things (I’m not allowed to talk about it right now). It wasn't until recently that I realised how impractical that was. You see, happiness is a state of being. It's an emotion, a feeling, a state of pleasure. Nice, right? But seeking happiness means you're seeking a constant emotion, a constant sensation, and more importantly, a constant state of pleasure. That's when the trouble begins. Because then you think that being unhappy is not okay. While removing something or someone from your life that brings you no joy is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, and in fact, something we should all be doing, somehow in our pursuit of happiness this becomes a little distorted. Happiness, is the state of now. Happiness, is the result of something that happened in your life right now. And when you pursue happiness, you are starting to look at things that are happening in the now.
Fulfilment, on the other hand, is a state of achievement and accomplishment. The satisfaction from having completed something. A marathon, a project, a dish, a movie. And that fulfilment, can and will bring you happiness eventually. The problem is that fulfilment and happiness are so often used so interchangeably. Think about it this way – do you want a happy marriage or a marriage that’s fulfilling? There is no way that you can be in a happy marriage ALL the time. As human beings, we are bound to have a difference of opinions even with the one that we promised to love, honour and cherish. Your partner is bound to drive you crazy at some point. But a fulfilling marriage would mean you are happy with your partner at the end of the day. Even if you look at them sometimes and wonder what you’re doing with them.
When you are focusing on happiness, you are removing things from your life, you are refusing things from entering your life because you think you shouldn't be unhappy. But you see, life isn’t wired like that. Life is a roller coaster, and to go through it, you have to acknowledge and experience the full range of your ups and downs. Maintaining a high is impossible and impractical. And speaking of roller coasters, just like most activities that give you pleasure, the threshold for happiness will keep increasing, giving you the potential to be more unhappy.
But when you seek fulfilment, you are looking for accomplishment and satisfaction. When you do something, and you feel fulfilled, or to be more accurate, a sense of exhilaration like “YES, I DID IT”, you feel like it was all worth it. Like you are worth it. And isn’t that what’s important in life? Fulfilment captures how everything in life is a process, how there are factors to consider and things to plan for. Take a look at the middle-aged adults around you, your parents for example. I’m sure they sacrificed so many things even though it would have made them happy just because it translated into something for you. Does that mean they are not happy about it? No, they are content because they have contributed in your growth. You see what I mean?
I’m not saying that it’s wrong to seek pleasure, but I’m a little skeptical of seeking it all the time. Seeking happiness makes it seem like misery is not okay. But seeking fulfilment reminds you that even if things are tough right now, there's a bigger plan to look at, a project to work on. That even if you are unhappy today, tomorrow might be a better day because you will finally run the 5K marathon you have been training so hard for and get that medal. Because when we look back in life, we look back at the things and experiences that we are grateful for, the things we have done, that sense of fulfilment.
So what do you think? A happy life or a fulfilled life?
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