Wiping the Slate Clean for 2019
I absolutely love the idea of starting the new year on a fresh note. Usually, I let most years flow but this year, I can say with all honesty that I can’t wait for 2018 to end. On a scale of 1 – 10, 1 being bad and 10 being amazing, 2018 has been sh*t. There’s no beating around the bush here and no scales involved. I can’t deny the fact that I’ve grown a lot this year and I’ve learned a lot, especially about myself, but still, from an overall perspective, 2018 has been a pretty sh*t year. And I’m so ready to start fresh with 2019. And isn’t that the case for most of us? The past year would have been rough on us and we want to “revamp” ourselves in the upcoming year. We see and connect with all these memes that start popping up in our Instagram Explore as November and December rolls around – “[insert year] is going to be my year”, “[insert last year] was messed up, but [insert year] will be the year I make my come back”, “Watch out [insert year]. I’m coming for you.” We double tap these posts with a sense of determination, and sometimes even re-post them to our own accounts.
The promise of a fresh start is undeniably exciting.
This is why some of us are obsessed with new journals and planners – blank pages that we can fill with our goals and dreams and visions of our ideal selves. Some of us splurge on a new outfit in an aspirational size that we hope to achieve at the end of the year and some of us take it up a notch by holding a bonfire and burning everything that hurt us once upon a time. We find ways to put a distance between ourselves and the past year. Or rather, the past year’s mistakes and failures (or what I personally prefer to refer to as “lessons” to maintain a positive note). And we are so empowered and confident in Novembers and Decembers that we will bridge the gap between who we are right now and who we visualize ourselves to be by the end of the upcoming year. This is something that has been ingrained in us since we were in school hasn’t it! – A new year means new books, new classes, (possible) new friends, new pencils, and most commonly, “a chance to finally get serious, buckle down and improve our grades”. A new year feels like we can fix the past year’s shortcomings and get ahead.
And it’s with this motivation and determination that we make all these goals that border on outrageous at times for the upcoming year. “I will drink nothing but green juice for the upcoming year for breakfast!” “I’m going to work out 12 times a week!” “I’m going to publish 5 books in the upcoming year!” When we don’t even know what green juice tastes like, we consider beating our face cardio and don’t even have a faint outline for one book. Then we do these things for a week, a month if we can really stick it out before we fall back to our old habits and leave these to turn stale. When December 30 or 31st rolls around, we dust them off and tell ourselves “THIS YEAR. THIS BLOODY YEAR I WILL DRINK THE DAMN GREEN JUICE”. Rinse and repeat. But we never get around to drinking the green juice for an entire year. The key to set realistic goals that are out of our comfort zones just enough to push us is to be aware of who we are and our values. And that’s why it’s not just enough to have the illusion of a fresh start. You have to actually wipe the slate clean – just like those fresh whiteboards at the beginning of the school year. No one leaves them with lessons and notes with the previous board. Fresh board + fresh minds = fresh start.
So if you are thinking right now “That sounds great Thendral, but how EXACTLY do you start fresh????”, I got you! There are two very simple things you can do to wipe the slate clean.
#1 Actually wipe the slate clean. If you have been working on a goal and if you haven’t succeeded in it forever or if you have any goals for 2019 already, go back to the drawing board and start again from the root. I set goals to lose weight every year since 2004 and every year, I failed. Two years became three, and soon, I was looking at over a DECADE of never achieving my weight goals. In 2016, I wrote my resolution as “DROP TO SIZE 10 ALREADY” in big capital letters in my planner. And you know what? I did by the end of the year. I even managed to get a couple of things that were size 8! It was the first time I accomplished a goal that was to do with my body. So what changed? For the first time, my goal didn’t feature weight or a diet pattern. Essentially, there is no difference between “DROP TO SIZE 10 ALREADY”, “Lose 5 kilograms by the end of the year” and “eat salads” because the ultimate goal was the same – getting smaller. But for some reason, while I dropped a lot of sizes, I never lost as much weight which made me feel consistently like a loser. I threw ALL preconceived notions I had about getting smaller out the window and focused on size instead, something I felt was more achievable, measurable and “workable” in getting my goal accomplished. There is always more than one way to achieve a goal so let go of everything you think you already know or everything you think you should be doing because that’s what people around you are doing towards achieving the same goal. Instead of setting goals such as “get fit”, “save $10 000), focus on the root of it. Why do you want to get fit? What does fit mean to you? Do you actually want to get fit by doing CrossFit or would you rather Zumba your way through?
#2 De-clutter. I’m not just talking about material possessions, I’m talking about emotions and your headspace too. Your space, physical, mental, emotional, is the space you live in. Why should you have things that don’t matter, that hold you back from growth or things that are hurting you? Often times we set goals without considering the past, without considering what we are still holding on to and why we are holding on to those things. For the longest time, one of my fears about weight loss was that I would get smaller and still be considered unattractive. Which also gave me a sense of reluctance when it came to working out and getting physically smaller. Because I didn’t want that to be the case. As I rolled into 24, 25, 26 and now 27, I’ve come to understand that another person’s notion of my attractiveness is something I can’t control. It doesn’t matter as much to me whether another person considers me attractive anymore either. My approach towards working out has become more towards having a good heart rate, flexibility and keeping my mind and body sharp.
Now, there are plenty of ways to de-clutter. Doing a clean sweep of material items can help you figure out what you actually want and need (you don’t have to go all Marie Kondo, you can even try something as simple as Oprah’s closet hanger experiment). Taking some time to block out the noise from the world can help you realise your own personal values and help you form goals that align with those instead of setting generic goals simply for the sake of setting goals in the new year. Journaling and meditation are also great ways to figure out what you need. The reason I actually managed to reconnect with the core of who I am this year was because of the LOADS of journaling I did. I personally prefer the stream of consciousness approach where you take a piece of paper or a notebook and essentially write out everything that comes to your mind as is without judgement, second-guessing or repressing and/or ignoring it. It’s a verbal vomit of your mind. This has been a pretty revelatory experience and if you are feeling a little disconnected with yourself, give it a shot some time and you might be surprised with what comes up – it can give you ideas for goals you genuinely need to set for yourself to grow and achieve in the upcoming year.
Before you jump into making goals and resolutions for 2019 (or if you have already, put them on hold), take a minute to review past goals. Or just goals from 2018. See if those goals are something you still want to achieve. If you can connect with them. If the way you currently see it is the only way to achieve it (Example: Is green juice still the only way towards having a healthy breakfast? How about oatmeal instead?) See if you want to achieve those goals because they align with your personal values, or you have those goals people around you make you feel like you should be achieving those goals. Does your goal make you feel inspired? Does it make you feel excited and just a tad bit nervous (the good kind of nervous because you would be getting out of your comfort zone) for the path of growth that’s coming your way? Or does it make you feel drained, apprehensive and plain reluctant?
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