What The Mindy Project Means To Me
I was barely 21 years old when the first Mindy Project episode aired. Looking back, I guess you could say that's a pretty impressionable age. I was just coming to terms with my self and identity, phasing out of my desperate people-pleasing tendencies to make friends and trying to understand this adult thing. I was hooked on The Mindy Project from the pilot. A female lead character in a romantic comedy series who doesn't look, talk, or act like any of the female protagonists we have seen so far? Who is 31 years old and a doctor? AND they're opening the episode with her drunk and in handcuffs, with her hair and makeup in a mess? You know what? I HAVE to see how this goes. The moment that sealed the deal for me, that this is a show I'm going to be hooked on, was the sequence of her running to the hospital from the restaurant, scrubbing in and delivering her patient's baby. Somehow with MIA's Bad Girls playing in the background, it was all incredibly badass. The part where she wipes off her lipstick? I got chills. It was a bold and defiant statement that The Mindy Project is not here to be your conventional romantic comedy from the get go. And I was so eager to see what was next.
Granted, I was initially interested in watching The Mindy Project because I wanted to see a show where the lead character looks like me; as a kid I had to make do with Princess Jasmine, and she's not even Indian! And with episodes, it became pretty obvious that it’s not just a skin level connection I share with Mindy. Mindy is always well-dressed, which resonates with me, because I always make it a point to dress well despite my size. It was ingrained in me by watching my dad getting his shirts and pants tailored - the whole dress the part to get the part thing. She’s comfortable in her skin, in terms of ethnicity and size, which is what I'm constantly aspiring to be. She loves to eat (When was the last time you saw a female lead sitcom character eat McDonald’s?) She loves pop culture and although she’s smart and a doctor, she chooses to spend her downtime watching things that were not too intellectually stimulating (which was perfectly captured in S02E05, Wiener Night). She doesn't compromise on the standards she sets for herself and she's determined. It was all a little too close to home.
And by the end of the fifth episode it was evident that Mindy Project is not a show that is out to set the benchmark for future shows with South Asian women in the lead, it's out to set the benchmark for ALL romantic comedy shows. Mindy Kaling has made her character Mindy Lahiri discuss so many things that are relatable to everyday people, heartbreaks, the fundamental challenge of dating (i.e., finding the right guy), female friendships, condom etiquette, motherhood and the love-hate relationship we all have with food.
"You know what, bear claw? Today, I am not gonna eat you till I get to work. That's discipline, my friend. Sorry about that." - Mindy Lahiri [S02E07, Sk8er Man]
Not only was Mindy the star of the show, with star spelled out in big, bold marque letters, she created the show, served as the executive producer and also wrote episodes. It’s probably for this reason that her character was not two dimensional or robotic and more importantly, a character who is simultaneously successful and relatable. Sure, she had her flaws like how she could be selfish or borderline ignorant once in a while, but she was smart, feisty and fought for her rights. She walked the walk about how successful women didn't have to be these cold, untouchable, perfectly balanced, looks-too-good-to-exist kind of people.
"Oh my God Peter. She has her legs crossed on her barstool. Okay? Who does that? If I tried to do that, I'd humpty-dumpty right off of here." - Mindy Lahiri [S02E19, Think Like a Peter]
The most common criticism about the show was the number of white men, but this is precisely where it shines. By placing herself at the forefront of a sea of good looking white men, the people who have and continue to run the show business, Mindy Kaling/Mindy Lahiri stands out in the simplest and most effective way possible. But it’s also because of this garish juxtaposition, that Mindy has a surplus of expectations, almost unfairly so, on what her show should and should not be discussing. Somehow people expected her to address things from race and heritage to major league issues like abortion, as if they had forgotten that this was a romantic comedy show. And if you ask me, hertiage was still pretty well explored in the show. Her constant “I’m sure I’m Hindu-ish”, is a very simple but effective way of capturing the identity struggle an immigrant child/child of immigrants raised in a foreign country experiences. I went around as a 10 year old saying my name is Lizzy as in short for Elizabeth because people thought Thendral was too hard to pronounce. Also, look at S05E12, Mindy Lahiri is a White Male. Mindy Kaling has gone around saying that she has the confidence of a white male, and now Mindy Lahiri had the opportunity to realise what her ethnicity and gender meant, and how she relates to the world based on that (shoutout to Hulu for giving the people behind the show the space and opportunity to explore such things!)
Aptly named as The Mindy Project, Mindy set the premise for the show to be working on herself, a roller-coaster of self-awareness and discovery, a project to understand herself.
"I really am changing though. I just feel very motivated, and tomorrow is going to be different. And you know what, if not tomorrow, then the next day, I swear." - Mindy Lahiri [S01E01, Pilot]
And while some of us learn about ourselves from our jobs, food, meditation retreats, Mindy seems to learn about herself from the guys she used to date. It seemed like she would throw herself into a relationship and when it turns sour, sort of go back to herself and regroup [Example: S05E08, Hot Mess Time Machine]. Sounds weird? Yeah, but there is no manual or guideline on how you should be living your life. Of course having a successful career, being amazingly confident and being a good friend and mother is all things that I have learned from The Mindy Project. But oddly enough, I have learned a lot from this show about relationships and a sense of self. I was sorely disappointed with the show's development to have a romantic relationship between Ben and Mindy, especially right after she swore off men saying she's going to spend time by herself. But come Season 6, I was onboard. Ashamed of myself even, that I had doubted the show. When the show started Mindy was this romantic soul. She was so upset that Danny didn’t want to marry her one day even though she was pregnant with his child. So it makes sense that she talked herself into a marriage with Ben and threw herself into it because she thought that's what she wants. But now, Mindy doesn’t want to go home to her husband and even if she’s around him, she’s not fully there. Ben then asks for a divorce surmising that she’s more into the idea of marriage than marriage in itself. Which is a HUGE turning point for Mindy and the show itself since it was her goal to get married one day. I mean what is a romantic comedy if your lead doesn’t want to be married?!
Mindy then goes on to say she's fine because they weren't that married but as Tamra points out, she doesn't have what she has always wanted, a husband. Which then forces her to re-evaluate what she wants. She then focuses on being a good mother (special shoutout for making the character a mum), her business and just being a good person overall. And that was what I realised over Season 6. That I myself have been too fixated on the concept of marriage and one days when I should have been focusing on myself and the here and now. It was like a slap in the face. And here I was thinking I was doing pretty well. The faults of being a hopeless romantic (Remember how I said it's not just a skin connection I share with Mindy?)
And now that we are on relationships, of course we have to talk about Danny. I don't think any of us were thrilled that Danny's character went somewhat off tangent from what we saw initially. But it was an interesting development, and if you think about it, sometimes you don't fully know someone until the time for it comes. This show was never about characters having just one attribute so the sudden complexity of Danny makes sense.
“Don’t ever let anyone stop you from doing what you want. Not even me.” - Danny Castellano [S04E13, When Danny met Mindy].
And yeah the whole caveman-ish I expect you to stay at home with the baby made us all hate Danny but when Little of Your Love by HAIM played as S06E07 closed, we were ALL thinking about Danny. No questions asked, and we were ready for Danny and Mindy to be back together. And that is why this show works, the authenticity of it, of how we are ready to welcome people back in our lives despite their flaws simply because they are the right person. I love the fact that the series ended with Mindy riding a bicycle (Guys, Morgan so clearly knew she was going to Danny) and with Danny and Mindy back in the couch, not very different from the Pilot. They have both grown so much since, particularly (or at least for us) Danny. They are physically closer on the couch than in the Pilot, and there couldn't be a better metaphor for how close they have grown. And how glad are we that she avoided that pool! So. Much. Growth. There was no need for an elaborate wedding or proposal or an over the top gesture, pretty much all the things Mindy craved for in Season 1 (breaking down because a Barbie had a boyfriend), instead settling to "just watch TV" because the simplicity of it was all she needs now (Anybody remembers how Danny tuned her out and switched on the TV and your heart just melted with all the full circle things? Anybody?) It doesn't matter who takes whose last name or if they live near cupcakes because Mindy isn't going to stop loving him and that's all there is to the now. Would you believe it if I said I mouthed the exact same words as Mindy right after she said "I wasn't going to say that I loved you again"? That's how much I have grown to understand and appreciate Mindy (I don't know if it's Kaling or Lahiri anymore).
The reason the show resonates so well with me, and for friends who are fellow fans of the show, is how close to the truth it is about the messiness of adulthood and how you're constantly blindsided by all the curveballs thrown at you. We all naively expect to one day grow up to be these amazing self-aware people who have plans, who have it all figured out and are crushing it in this whole life thing. And you know what, that's a fallacy because we are all projects.
I think the biggest question now is whether show people will continue to make such flawed and realistic women front and center of shows. I'm curious to see whether the show will stand the test of time but more importantly, I'm happy that the younger generation has a woman of colour they can look up too, who is strong, has a career and has grown so much, that there's this little pocket of gem among the so many shows that have aired over the years.
When I heard about the full circle of life moment Mindy Kaling experienced with the show, with her mum's passing almost the same day her show was greenlit and how she discovered that she was pregnant as it was ending, I was so overcome with emotion. That’s how attached I have grown to Mindy (Like I said before, I don't know if it's Kaling or Lahiri, or perhaps even both). For the past 6 years, Mindy was like the big sister I never had, role modelling her life for me. Watching her fumble through this mess that is life, figuring out what’s right and wrong, her growth, and her flaws, I have grown to understand myself more. The Mindy Project offered me moments of self reflection, moments that I could not have experienced myself. I’m going to miss my big sister’s weekly visits home.
* Subscribe to Thendral’s Telegraph here! *
