Turning 28: The Good, The Bad, and The Okay
I'll be turning 28 this Thursday and I've anticipated turning 28 for a long time now. I do know people around me who are begging to have time stopped and don't want to hear how about they are hitting the big 30s or entering their late 20s but I don't really take any issue with the whole aging thing. Other than the occasional "Wait, school was more than TEN YEARS ago?!" and "Oh my god, that guy is young enough to be my brother" that is. I think part of it is because I don't look 28? I'm still asked for my ID sometimes for things that require you to be 18 or 21 years old, which can be equally flattering and horrifying (You mean I don't even look 18?! Is this why my dating situation is so awful? Do people think I'm a child?!) I understand that aging is the natural order of life and I've never really felt sucked into society's emphasis on youth, banishing wrinkles and tightening things. I hated my appearance until the age of 25 at the minimum and I was mocked about it for the entirety of my school and adult life. Now that I'm learning to appreciate and respect (yes, respect!) my appearance, I think the pressure to look young, i.e., one more comment about my appearance is just not going to get to me that easily. Or maybe it's just that I found white hairs rather young and now I'm jaded by the whole concept of aging.
Anyway! Like I was saying, I've been excited to turn 28 for some time now. Because I'll be turning 28 on the 28th and my birthday will fall on a Thursday, just like when I was born. It's a silly little thing, I know. But I love silly little things like these and they make me happy. So as usual, I thought this would be a good time to reflect on the past year and the whole age thing and look at what the good, bad and okay about turning 28 are.
The Good
The good thing about turning 28 is that my personality FINALLY matches my age. Saying things like "I don't like going to the clubs" now is met with "Yeah, I know right?" as opposed to the disdain I got at 18. I just never got the whole club thing. I get why people do it, but it's just not for me. Has never been. Other things to add to the list include white water rafting, skydiving, getting drunk, and pretty much anything "adventurous" really. Basically, I've settled into my golden years much earlier than needed. I just don't like those things and it's much easier now to simply say I don't like doing these things! There really is no point in giving these things a half-hearted attempt or trying to explain to people why I don't want to try them. I love my museums, I love puzzles and I love trying out new recipes. If that makes me an old person, so be it! *shrug. And while I've never really had a major identity crisis of sorts or been plagued with the whole "Am I not who I thought I am?!" or "Do I not like this like I thought I did?!" or "WHAT DO I EVEN WANT?!", I'm really growing into myself more. A more quiet confidence about who I am and where I stand in the world instead of being conscious about what I'm presenting about myself to the world.
Another thing that is good now is that it's okay to be by yourself in public. It's something I didn't mind as a concept when I was younger, but I was concerned about appearing uncool. Like when you're almost 30 and do things by yourself, somehow, it's fine. Because you know. Life. So these days I go to the movies by myself, eat in cafes by myself, shop by myself with no concern whatsoever about whether I seem like a loner/loser to people. And especially as a freelancer, I can take full advantage of weekdays and random times like 11am and 3pm when things are just not crowded and get better service and move unhurriedly. If I had to wait to watch a movie with a friend or my sister (which they are probably not interested in anyway), that would mean waiting till the weekend. Doing things by myself means I actually get a lot more things done as well! And life really is just too short to be waiting around, isn’t it?
Also, 28 is an age I thought I would have a husband by even as recently as two years ago. And while the lack of one felt like a gap in my life or I felt like I would be a lot happier if I was married for a while there, I've grown happier and more comfortable in my own company. No, I've not traded that for a cat or another pet nor am I saying this with a fake bright smile while quietly imploding. I've just had the whole cliched acceptance of happiness comes from within and not an object or person. While this is something I've known as a concept for a long time now, I've just come to realise it recently. And while this knowledge may or may not help if I get married, it has definitely had a lot of impact on my relationships with other people. It's made me more aware of how I react emotionally to things that can upset me and allows me to center myself when I feel upset by something someone did. I feel more in control of my happiness levels now. I understand why something made me upset so I know what I need to do slowly bring myself to a more neutral level of emotion instead of hitting rock bottom right away and stewing there. I have emotional boundaries now and let me tell you, they are fantastic.
The Bad
Now, while I don't really look or feel 28, my insides are 28 and make it a point to remind me ever so often of that fact. Too much greasy food? My entire digestive system taps out. A plate of briyani looks so invitingly good and I want to gobble it all down? My metabolism cuts me off at half the plate. It's also always excruciatingly clear why I have a pimple now. I could dismiss it as oily skin until 24 but now? My skin has settled into "dry" and I only get pimples for 2 reasons: 1. poor diet and/or stress (That is what the pimples on my forehead are trying to say) 2. my period is here or getting here (chin).
The Okay
Speaking of metabolism slowing down, I guess I'm really done with the growth thing. I.e., I have to spend the rest of my life at 152cm. While nobody in my family is above 160cm, this is something I am a little bothered by or indifferent about depending on my mood. I mean. I grew 7cm per year for a few years! And all that was for a measly 152cm?! Seriously? Part of me thinks I could be taken more seriously at times as an adult if I was taller. It's not my biggest complaint but I'm not really loving this fact either.
For some reason, I find it VERY odd to be doing what I have always known I wanted at 28. I'm ecstatic to be finally living a life as a writer (ecstatic is the least to say about it) but my bank statements do serve as a consistent reminder on my financial situation. And it is something I remain naively optimistic about (It's like I got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be alright. If you know, you know), it can be a bit of a jolt to hear a friend talk about savings or flying in business class. There are days where I wonder if it is worth pursuing this in place of money and my heart goes "HELL YES" and there are days when my head goes "You think you should start part-timing somewhere as well?" It is odd to describe what I have done as a career switch, and I get very uncomfortable when people start asking a lot of questions about my "career plans" and project strong LinkedIn vibes on me. It's not that I don't have a plan, I just don't like what I'm doing to be described so rigidly and with so much structure like it's a module in university. I just want to say I'm writing, that's all. And that's all I've wanted since I was young.
And also while I'm learning to feel myself and my singlehood, there are days and people that remind me about my age, the lack of a "man", and my decreasing egg count. I'm fine with it all but I do feel like there are people who dig their claws into it while they wait for my reaction. A quiet gloating at my supposed misery and a sense of superiority over my assumed inferiority. And that can make it all hard to stay in my sense of content. It's easy to say you can't change people and brush it off but I just wish we exercised a little more empathy as a society instead of openly mocking a girl to her face just to feel better about yourself.
Because I refuse to end off on a negative note, I'll just add in here that I am quite excited to turn 30 too actually. Having last thrown a party in my childhood, for my 12th birthday I believe, I might throw a Dirty Thirty. Just to celebrate entering a new decade in my life. Key being might because we can't say anything for sure in the adventure of life, can we? I was so certain I would have a party for my 21st and I ended up spending the day at my internship. I wonder what I'll be doing in 2 years.
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