The Art of Being Alone
Once upon a time (okay, actually not that long ago), I used to think that being out somewhere by myself made me a loser and friendless. I admired the people who were able to walk into a restaurant, order food and eat by themselves and move on. I admired the people who could walk into Sephora by themselves, pick up products, test it by themselves and pay for it and walk out. Like, do you not need a second opinion from a friend? I admired the people who walked into a movie theatre, sat down by themselves with a bag of popcorn, laughed at all the jokes by themselves, and left the theatre by themselves, all while looking like they were having a BALL of a time. I always thought I was too insecure to be one of those people and that I could never do it.
Then one day I woke up and this realization hit me out of nowhere – that I don’t need the presence of someone else to be comfortable with myself. It sounded so ridiculous and mind-blowing simultaneously when I repeated it out loud. I don’t need the presence of someone else to be comfortable with myself. And then the next realization hit when I said that out loud – I had been relying on other people to feel comfortable, something that I should have done for myself, by myself. What is it that this friend is doing for me that helps with the anxiety of being alone? Why would anyone even think that I’m a sad person for seeing me out by myself? And even if someone did think that way, did it matter to me? Just because I’m out alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.
So, the first time I was out by myself, I avoided eye contact with anyone and dashed in and out of the shops I had to go to. The times I wasn’t in a shop or talking to a salesperson, I was avidly texting no one in particular. I actually had the messages app open and would type out a text to my mum or a friend. I wouldn’t send it, it’s just in case someone saw my phone and went “Guys, she’s actually just typing gibberish in her Notes” Or I had my nose buried in my phone scrolling through Facebook or Instagram over and over again. Then I realized that most people are too occupied with their own lives – most people have their own errands to run, places to get to and things to do.
These days, I take my time when I’m out alone, enjoying the process and observing everything around me. I have eaten at a restaurant by myself, I used to go to the gym by myself, I go to the movies by myself and I went on a holiday by myself. I take my time to saunter into the other shops in the mall as well if I saw a discount, rather than running in and out of the only store I need to as if I’m too scared to be caught alone. When I make eye contact with someone, I make sure to hold it and follow it with a polite smile instead of jerking my head away in the opposite direction. And here’s the shocker about it, so be sure to hold on to your seats – most people DO smile back! Which is such a pleasant feeling – to see and be seen by the myriad of people in this world, just trying to live their own lives. The movie theatre is especially becoming my favourite thing to do alone. I LOVE watching all the previews and the commercials they air before the movie and I always try to show up ahead of the movie time to catch them all. Most people in my life don’t – especially my sister who rolls her eyes at me when I insist on showing up early gets fidgety during the previews and proceeds to talk to me. For me, this is as sacrilegious as talking to me during the movie.
The point is, why deprive yourself of an experience just because you were waiting for someone to join you when you can go to it by yourself and have that experience? Rather than going to the movie with someone who doesn’t enjoy it and have them talk to you during the movie, or not have someone to ooh and aah about how amazing (insert actor name) about and spoil the joy the movie brought you, why not go by yourself? If you’re a little too scared to be out by yourself on your first try, do not like be me and pick a Friday or a weekend for the first time to be out by yourself. Those are just not very forgiving days if you are trying to be inconspicuous during your first time by yourself. Movies are also the better bet to be by yourself on your first try. Even if you did have an awful time by yourself like you expected to, at least you have had that experience and you know what it’s like.
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