Some Thoughts on Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and #KonMari
So unless you were living on or just came back from Knowhere, you have probably heard of Marie Kondo, her KonMari method and her show Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix already. And if you happen to have an affinity for books like me, you might even know her book.
I’m not going to lie. I am loving this KonMari method. While I don’t necessarily fold my clothes in thirds and make them stand upright, I loved the concept and I wanted to be an Indian Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo in her pristine white cardigans and sleek haircut looked so neat and tidy while radiating so much calm and good energy that she could be a synonym for the word “zen”. Why wouldn't you want to be like her? And maybe it’s because I had watched Mary Poppins recently but when she got in her minivan at the end of the episode and it started to drive off, I half expected it to start levitating and fly off into the clouds. I think it didn’t help that she kept magically appearing and disappearing in her participants’ (Is that how you refer to them? Participants?) houses, and said you should feel a “ding” within when you hold an item that sparks joy.
My most favourite concept about the KonMari method is thanking your clothes and items for their service before tossing them out mindlessly. It was all a new and different way to look at mindfulness and gratitude. I did initially scoff at the idea of thanking non-animate objects - "HAHA sure Marie, I'm going to 'thank' my socks for their indispensable service, HAHA". And then I did and it changed my dang life. I had this pair of earrings that I really loved and wore everywhere. One of the earrings in the set had started to fade and while I got away with it for a while, it was eventually too obvious – one of my ears had this pretty silvery blue shiny earring while the other had something with a weirdly awful green tinge. Even after I stopped wearing them, I held on to them, unable to bring myself to toss them. I had seen them at a Lovisa outlet and because it was too much for me to afford right away, I saved the money for it. Eventually, when I had enough, I sailed to the outlet, only for it to not be there anymore. I spent the next 2 months scouring for it at different outlets and finally found it at one, hidden all the way at the back of a display. I don’t know why but they made me so happy and they were easily the prettiest item I had ever owned. Which made tossing them out really difficult. Sure they served no purpose sitting on my earring display but it felt too hard considering all the memories and the efforts that had gone into procuring them. So I tried what Marie Kondo said. I took a genuine minute to look at them, and thank them for all the times it made me feel happy. And the weirdest thing happened – I was able to bring myself to toss them out. I was able to let them go and I didn’t feel bad that one earring still looked good as new or like I was wasting anything. I got closure (I know, for a pair of earrings). And now that I don’t see them anymore, I don’t constantly feel a pang about how those earrings have gone bad. I don’t hold them as a reference when I see other earrings anymore. I just have a happy, positive memory of the time I saved and worked to get myself a pair of really pretty earrings. Here's the thing, even though it was just a pair of earrings that were not even made of real gold or diamonds, it sparked the most understanding in me and it was the most powerful metaphor about holding on. To the things and people in our lives when we could simply choose to remember the good, the things about them that make us happy and let go of everything else. Your heart starts to feel lighter and for the first time in my life, I felt like I actually understood why gratitude is so important. So yes, I’m the person who talks to inanimate objects and thanks them for their service now.
What really interested me in the KonMari method was that it wasn’t a form of minimalism where you can only have a said number of items or have to be practical. You can keep as much as you want as long as they spark joy within and as long as they are tidy. You don’t have to beg and plead to keep that elephant statue because it reminds you of the time you saw a sunrise in Tibet even though it can’t do anything other than to sit on your desk and sparkle. Which works for someone like me who wonders why you have to be so cold when it comes to determining what you need. I also loved that she left the participants of the show to their own devices so they have to figure out and learn things on their own rather than having it done for them by Marie Kondo herself. It was a great way to do the whole “teach a man to fish” thing rather than doing the fishing for them. Especially when you have to go through so much stuff in your house and figure out whether something gives you joy – it can be a great way to learn more about yourself.
Now, I am someone who LOVES to clean and organise my room when everything in my life is utter chaos. Sometimes I tidy up before I start work because it gives me a sense of satisfaction and a boost in my esteem. Which in turn gives me some confidence before I set out to face my life. It feeds to my illusion of control that there is something I can do after all rather than fretting and thinking about how everything about my life is falling apart. And sure, when my things are in disarray it means that I’m slipping. But trying to clean and tidy an area that is already more than clean and tidy enough means that I’m looking for that illusion of control I’m unable to exercise in another aspect of my life. And that’s the part where I start to wonder how much tidying up can actually help your life. I felt like some of the participant’s issues were never seriously addressed. Issues such as validation from loved ones, fear of laundry (which seemed more like anxiety) and cultural disconnect. These happened to be the core of some of the participants’ problems that simply radiated out as an untidy house and I want to know how they managed to overcome it. Granted the show is called tidying up with Marie Kondo, not “childhood issues and how it’s affecting my life right now with Marie Kondo” but since they seemed so innate, I would have loved a bit more insight. I understand the whole work from the outside in, that perhaps tidying up could have helped them confront these issues, and the whole fake it til you make it. And while the participants always seemed to have come around by the end of the episode, I want to know if this system genuinely stuck with them, for how long and a little bit more of insight on how tidying up can ripple across the many facets of your life so that the argument feels more convincing rather than superficial. Personally, I feel like some shuffling around of the episodes could have been for the best – for example, in “When Two Messes Become One”, it was great to see how Marie helped two people who have two very different systems find a middle ground that worked for both of them when it came to living together. That was a great episode in how tidying up can improve your relationship and your life. But the first episode, which very nearly put me off the entire show featured a couple that needed a whole lot more than simply tidying up.
Another issue, although probably a personal one, was that the KonMari method asks you to clear and tidy things based on whether they spark joy. I have a variety of painkillers thanks to my monthly anguishes. They bring me absolutely no joy because they remind me of the crippling migraine I have to deal with 3-5 days a month where I can’t even crack the window open because light and sound would aggravate the migraine. But I can’t afford to toss them. I hate my sports bra more than I hate chocolate in my coffee but again, it’s not something I can toss. I need it so I can work towards becoming a healthier me so that looking at myself in the mirror can spark joy. Because my personal philosophy in life has always been that you can’t be happy 24/7 or build your life around happiness and joy. That a variety of emotions and feelings make your life, so who gave happiness precedence? And just like the emotions and feelings we file away in our emotional junk drawer because we haven’t quite determined about how we feel towards certain things, people and situations in our life, is it so bad if we have one or two literal junk drawers?
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