Instagram VS Reality
Now, I know this has been discussed plenty already, and interestingly, even on social media itself. I just thought I would throw my two cents in. So we all know what the problem is, right? Social media makes you feel like everyone around you is having fun, or doing something, even when they are not, and that you’re the only one doing nothing. Open Instagram your friend just got engaged, open Instagram stories and someone just got invited to a special Infinity War screening, open Facebook and someone just did an editorial feature for Forbes. What? We close the applications thinking “The biggest thing that happened to me was when I switched from regular to whole wheat pasta”. It took me a long time to realise Instagram wasn’t making me feel like a loser. I was making myself feel like a loser.
I got hit with the “Instagram vs Reality” sometime last year, when a fitness blogger showed how fitness pictures, pictures of one’s body, etc, on the Internet is all about working angles and using Photoshop. I thought to myself “you mean… you mean Beyonce could be using Photoshop too? For Instagram?” I was so shocked and it hit me so hard, I nearly fell of my chair. #truestory I was shocked at the possibility that none of what I was seeing could be real, especially when I had considered some physiques, skin and makeup looks #goals. Then it hit me on how naïve I had been. Of course people were editing pictures, just like how I edit mine. Everyone wants to share an attractive picture. Nobody goes on Instagram and thinks “Hey, let me share this substandard, out of focus, blurry picture of an okra”. Just because I don’t extensively Photoshop doesn’t mean nobody else doesn’t.
There’s plenty of feeling inferior/inadequate/inappropriate/lack lustre etc that we now have a term for it – “FOMO”. It’s real, and it’s completely valid, and there’s so much self-help information on beating FOMO, and other forms of insecurity from being social media’s witness. Reduce time on social media! The problem is we think grass is greener on the other side! Accept that fact that we cannot have it all! Some take it a step further, and suggest that you delete your account altogether. But if you ask me, these are interim solutions. Because all these solutions do not address or deal with the most important aspect of FOMO – which is looking at the root of where it’s coming from. Especially with deleting accounts. If you delete your account because you think social media is lame/not useful/taking too much of your time, that’s one thing, but if you delete your account because you feel inadequate, that’s something we have to talk about.
Let me go back to the example of how shocked I was when I found out not everyone looked like Greek Gods and I’m not the only one who thinks she looks like a mid-sized potato. Those of you who follow me know my issues with my body image. Once upon a time, I compared myself and felt inferior to, people I saw on Seventeen, Teen Vogue, then, Elle, Vogue, etc. I used to recoil at the thought of my body just by walking past magazine covers. Today, it’s social media that is making me feel inferior. And tomorrow, it will be something else if I’m not going to address this body image problem of mine. Here’s why it was and will continue to be a problem. I didn’t focus on getting to where I think I would be good enough. Instead, I wanted to look as good as her and her, and I thought “Sure, if I exercised and ate right I could even look better than her”. And this is what most of us are doing with social media. We don’t look at being happy. We think we should be as happy as him, we want to be as happy as her and we think we could be happier. We think what they post on Instagram, is their lives. Somehow, we forget the fact that some post for attention, some post to capture a perfect moment, and some post to supplement their work and career. Just like that, we forget that we don’t know someone’s life and we are only looking at what they choose to post.
Here’s the thing. There’s plenty of research on how social media boosts dopamine levels, and that’s why we are all addicted to it. That’s why we check it as soon as we wake up, when we eat, before we go to sleep etc. That’s why when we are unhappy, we open social media to see what other people are doing. And when we are unhappy with our own lives, we shut ourselves out from it more and more, and start focusing on others’ curated lives. Which makes us even more unhappy. I am someone who genuinely gets excited when I see someone doing well, even if I don’t know said person, personally. I get all “I’m SO glad she got this opportunity in her life!”, and I walk off with a smile. But linger long enough, or come across it on a bad day and it turns to “How come I’m not getting such opportunities”.
If you ask me, the only true way to beat FOMO, and other forms of inadequacy that stems from social media, is, as cliché as it is, gratitude. If you’re groaning, or rolling your eyes at this, fine, fair enough. But hear me out! As long as you don’t have forms of anxiety or troubles that requires professional intervention, exercising a “I’m enough, I have enough, this is enough” attitude will help your feelings of inadequacy. Like I said before, most self-help material on beating FOMO and inferior feelings tell you to stop comparing. But that’s not something we can do at the snap of our fingers. Because we are all wired to compete. Turning that competition inwards, focusing on doing more than yesterday, and keeping ourselves oriented towards our own goals, can help minimise inadequacy. Because if we are not being kind towards ourselves, how do we expect to be kind towards others?
I don’t know if I would ever be fully against social media. It’s something new, that we are still learning to use, just like any other tools that came out for the first time in its time. It’s how we use it that matters. Just remember, the grass is greener on the other side only because of increased saturation, highlights and contrast levels.
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