Four Years of thendraluthaman.com!
If there’s anything we have learned from this pandemic, it’s that time is meaningless. So, when I realised that thendraluthaman.com is turning four today, I didn’t even what to feel about it. With 2021 feeling even more bizarre than 2020, and for some personal reasons, I had hardly noticed that we were in October of the year, never mind the end of October and my site turning four. Four entire years. Even now, despite having the words right in front of me, I can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve had thendraluthaman.com for four years? Over a thousand days?
When my site turned one, it was exciting because, oh hey! One whole year of writing and keeping a site afloat, WHOOPEE!!! Two years in was when I had gained considerable traction and saying my site was two felt significant. Three was exciting because I like the number three, a lot had happened in the third year despite a pandemic, and I was looking forward to it. But four… it’s exciting, certainly. But I’m also kind of, “Cool.” about it. Then I thought, “Hey, I’m always saying my site is my baby so why not look at it from that perspective? And see how I feel about thendraluthaman.com turning four that way?” A quick look at my old developmental psych notes revealed that apparently, children start showing increasing independence and creativity at around four years old. And you know what? I feel like it makes sense! I feel like my site is now a separate entity of its own now. It’s established itself quite a bit on Google so there are always people coming to my site and looking at content – a significant contrast to when it was at its infancy, and no one would think twice to look at my site unless I nudged things along. People share my content on their personal Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest (would you believe it?? Pinterest??) out of their own volition so every time I look at my Google Analytics, there’s always the most fascinating traffic. Be it with countries (Oh my God, I’ve never even heard of that country, I’m so ignorant!!), the pages someone saw (Whaaaat?? I wrote that three YEARS ago!!), or source (How on EARTH did someone find THAT post on Pinterest??). I feel like my site is out there living its own life. In the early years, unless I wrote something, nothing would happen. Now, it’s out there making friends by itself!
And don’t even get me started on creativity! As much as I’m riddled with self-doubt about my worth as a writer almost every single day, I can actually bring myself to acknowledge the fact that this year, I really paid attention to my writing instead of doing verbal dumps. I tried new modes of writing, I was inspired by things, I cared about painting a story rather than telling you how I feel. So, “independent” and “creative” feels like two great words to describe the fourth year of my site and that gives me a sense of satisfaction, pride, and “Ah yes, keeping this going for four years IS an incredible feat!”
Four years of thendraluthaman.com is also about the same time I worked full-time in research. And the difference between the two is so poignant. With my full-time job, there were days where I felt satisfied, there were days when the paycheque cheered me up enough to keep going, there were days where I felt appreciated. But for the most part, I felt trapped. With writing, yes, there are days I hit a wall because I’ve no freaking idea what to write for the day, there are days I feel my writing is utter shit and inadequate, there are days I want to delete my site altogether. But for the most part, I’ve never felt more certain that this is what I want to do. That this is what I’m meant to do. And I’ve never felt more alive or in sync with life. I’m turning 30 next month and as much as I’ve spent my twenties flitting around, trying to understand how I want to make money, what it is that I want to do with my life, where I should go, I’m emerging out of it with certainty and clarity that it has to be writing. I’ve found the thread that links my childhood to my future. And as much as I don’t have other influencing factors in my life that would deem this path illogical or in vain, I know for certain now that I would move heaven and earth if I have to, to make all this work. There is a sense of peace, meaning and wholeness to all this unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. But none of this would matter if I didn’t have any of you. The thing about having a blog, pieces of work written, is that, if you don’t have an audience, you have nothing at all. It’s the whole, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one was there to hear it, did it really make a sound?” thing. If I write things, pour my heart out into around a thousand words every Thursday but no one was around to read it, did I really write? And that is why I want to say again, I consider it a privilege to have each and every single one of you. You are doing so much for my confidence, my eagerness to learn what works in my writing and what doesn’t, my willingness to push myself and explore new ways of putting words together. Often times, there are so many things that I didn’t truly know how I was feeling until I sat down to write and explore how I was feeling. Some times, I just write because it’s something I felt like I wanted to say. But mostly, I write because I know I needed what I wrote which means, there’s someone out there who also does. So, whether I was trying to explore my emotions around being on a matrimony site or trying my hand at poetry (poorly), thank you for taking the time out of your day to tell me what you think. Thank you for being just as excited for me when there’s some newness. Thank you for being so loyal because four years of thendraluthaman.com ultimately equates to some of you being here for four whole years. Which is just… I love you. Thank you. To year five, which I’m considerably more excited for as five is my life number!
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