Birthday Q&A - 2021
How are you/ how are you doing/ how is your state of emotional well-being these days?
I love questions like these because we live in a world where it’s become “Heyhowareyou!I’mfinethanks,howareyou!” – It’s become such a mindless question and response that we almost do out of reflex. So when I see questions along the lines of, “No, how are you really? Tell me, I want to know.”, it’s so nice. It’s nice to be seen, you know? Anyway, ramblings aside. I’m okay – I had a brief dip, some of you may remember I had to take a break from thendraluthaman.com and Instagram for a while recently. I thought it would be months on end but things moved along quicker than I expected and so I was back a lot quicker than I expected. I almost spiralled into a black hole during this time, I was certainly circling it but I’m so very glad things have almost veered back into normal (as normal as it can be while living during a pandemic) and I’m almost like my regular self again! Could things be better? Yeah. But I also know they could be A LOT worse so I’ll take as much as good as I can get.
Which country would you want to travel to now if there's no Covid?
India. It’s been six years too long.
Malaysia. I miss the vibes.
Somewhere cold with mountains would be dreamy.
How do you feel about turning 30?
Mostly neutral with a shimmer of excitement! Until I was 27 I thought I would do something fun for embarking on a new decade. Then the pandemic hit. Now, I’m just grateful to be healthy, reasonably well-adjusted, financially secure and have the same for my loved ones. And while I’m not doing something as fun as I had planned, I’ve asked for this year’s cake and lunch to be a bit more ~exciting~ (nothing is more celebratory than good food anyway). Part of me does find it slightly bittersweet about how you can’t play the whole “your twenties are for exploring the world” anymore. Then I see the news and I clamp my hands over my ears and stomp around the house yelling “LALALALALA!!!” I feel as I’ve always felt except my mind keeps conjuring a sparkling halo around thirty because it’s a new decade – that’s the shimmer of excitement. But I would like to say, my mind did this for ten but not twenty! So that’s something. Who knows if I would have a meltdown on the eve of my birthday or the day of either though!
How has your outlook in life changed as you turn 30 vs when you turned 20?
I think I’m turning 30 knowing a lot more about myself, a lot more secure about myself and a lot more comfortable in myself. I think I barely knew myself at 20. I was doing my degree and working part-time and I was just miserable about everything. I’m turning 30 doing things I actually love – some of which were rediscovered and some of which were newly found. I don’t think I can say this about 20. I don’t know if I liked the things I was doing at 20. Oh and I kinda like myself now! Which I think influences the way I see my life and the world around me; I’m able to see what I can actually control and what I can’t, how important living in the moment is rather than wishing and wishing things were different. 20 year old me and 30 year old me are definitely both more naïve than we should be though, but 20 year old me would have grieved being taken advantage of whereas 30 year old me would grief too but would know how to pick myself up and try to move on from it.
What do you see for yourself before you turn 31?
Oh, God. My reflex is to say I don’t know. But I made myself sit down and think about it. So, where do I see myself in a year? To kind of tap into the previous question, I stressed over making the “right” decision for the longest time. I now know there is no “right” decision, the decision you made was simply right at the time. So I used to push myself to make “right” decisions to accomplish certain things by a certain time, before the next birthday, things like that. I’m not fussed about chasing things now while ignoring the present, I just want to give everything that comes my way my best. Having said that, “concrete” things I see for myself include finishing up five years of thendraluthaman.com, with good, quality content. Maybe my community has expanded a bit? I’m currently challenging myself to post every weekday on Instagram for three months (so until February) and I want to see if I can keep it up for a year. Hopefully, I’m still able to handle the curveballs that come my way, have a bit of faith that they are for the best and navigate in a new direction.
Having born in India and growing up/ living in Singapore, would you consider moving to a different country? Or would you say you’re settled in Singapore?
Oh, absolutely! I’ve always wanted to live outside of Singapore for a while for the experience; preferably somewhere with four seasons. My parents are immigrants who didn’t speak English or have the technology that acts as the bridge for so many things in terms of communication and knowledge like we do now. But they’ve made something for themselves here. It’s something I’ve always marvelled and I’ve always wanted to have that experience, where I pack my bags and move to a whole new country and try to figure it all out – from where to buy moringa leaves to settling taxes. As for whether I’ve “settled” in Singapore, I don’t know if I would ever feel settled anywhere. I still feel like an outsider at times. I think it just comes from having moved at a very young age.
How are you dealing with not being married at 30? I’m in a similar situation and would like some advice.
My heart goes out to you, my love. I’m afraid I have nothing because I don’t have the solution for this either. If you would like, you can type “marriage” or “dating” in the search bar of this site and have a read of my previous work on these topics to see if they bring some comfort to you about someone being in a similar Titanic. Because the thing about marriage I feel is, even if you’re fine by yourself and you’re okay with it, people make it a business to make sure you’re NOT. And those words can get to you, and be extremely disappointing especially when they’re from loved ones. This is a reasonable reaction to an unreasonable situation. It’s okay to grieve your singlehood and long for love if that’s what you want but make sure it’s once in a while. Otherwise, when you become fixated on it, you develop a lack mindset and those are dangerous waters. As cliché as it is, focus on you. You know your life more than anyone else.
How did you keep going for four years with thendraluthaman.com?
I really don’t know! Before I took the leap to start thendraluthaman.com and even at the beginning of it all, I really thought I would run out of ideas sooner or later. I thought it was just a matter of time. Turns out, writing is a muscle that grows as you work on it. Writing is still the one thing that brings me so much more joy than anything else. I loved writing when I started it. But over the years, I see myself keeping at it, I see myself getting better at it, and now I’ve fallen in love with it. And I suppose that’s how I kept going for four years. The passion for it is burning brighter than ever and I’ve still not had a “Chee, I’m so done with this.” moment!
Where would you say you see thendraluthaman.com in the long term?
I… don’t have a clue! I don’t like how not knowing is a theme in the past three questions, but it’s the truth! When I started, I had the wide-eyed optimism of having thendraluthaman.com forever and ever and evermore. I still wish the same but I would say I have a better grasp of how sometimes life just happens to you. Like I mentioned earlier, I had to take a break recently and during this time, the whole writing part of me just shut down. Completely. I was in survival mode so “living” and thus, writing was completely out of the picture. Which I didn’t think was possible having tapped it into it for four years of now. My fingers were itching to but I simply couldn’t. I have loads of dreams for thendraluthaman.com and loads of dreams for which thendraluthaman.com is the stepping stone. I’m working on them on the side, but they just can’t be front and centre like I would like for them to anymore. In the long run, I’m not fussed about numbers, having a “brand”, an “empire” or an income out of thendraluthaman.com, I would just love for this community to grow and for people to find like-minded souls through it.
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