Karthika - Resilient, Optimistic, Thoughtful
I chanced upon KKBoutiqueco sometime back on Instagram and it was brand love at first sight for me. One thing you should know about me, I LOVE looking at bath products. Now, do I even have a bathtub? No. Does that matter? Absolutely not. So, when I saw KKBoutique’s Foot & Bath Soak, which clearly had rose petals weaved in, it was attraction on a chemical level. The more I scrolled through her Instagram feed, the more I was incredibly drawn to her brand. The bath products, the clean, minimal and eco-friendly packaging, and the fact that her products were handmade right in her own home all blew me away. And for some reason, I started to feel a little hungry? It’s probably not an odd reaction considering she uses all-natural ingredients, and you don’t have to worry about unknown or hidden chemicals (Just to be clear, I’m not saying you can eat her products, I’m saying, it’s probably safe to do so. I still have that same reaction every time I see her products.).
But I digress. Two things stood out to me as I looked through her pictures and her website – one, her products are undeniably of HIGH quality. Everything I saw SCREAMED luxury and relaxation and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the pricing of her products! I’ve spent far more for far less of an indulgent experience! The second thing was that she so clearly puts so much love into her products! Everything had so much attention to detail, thought behind it and a clear want for you to have a positive experience when using the product. My disappointment was endless when I realised she couldn’t ship to Singapore. Since then, I was a quiet admirer of what Karthika had made out of KKBoutiqueco. Sometime later, she shared her brand origin story for the first time and my pre-existing admiration for her grew by tenfold. You know me and you know I love to pick people’s brain so of course, I had to reach out and ask if she would like to be Tenacious Woman #15. She very kindly accepted and here is her beautiful story on self-love, motherhood, and of course, tenacity.
How do you come up with product ideas for your beautiful brand, KKBoutique?
Thank you! So the cornerstone of any product, the idea is to ask the question, “Am I solving a problem here?” At the time I got started, I was making a lifestyle change, I was trying to live a cleaner life. So, I switched my diet, I was only eating organic foods. I made a decision to consume and ingest naturally made products that were non-toxic. So that’s how it all started and, in that process, I started doing some research and learning about making these products on my own. That’s how the first few products came out. In my niche, a lot of the products I have in my shop are not original to my brand. They are authentic to my brand, but they are not products I invented myself. They are already out there on the market. So, what I really tried to focus on is how to make myself stand out. And what to do to offer my customers unique products within that range.
What is your favourite product from your range?
*laughs* That’s a tough one! Because I love all of them! I use them all myself. But since you’re my twisting my arm here, I’m going to go with the natural 2 in 1 mask and cleanser! It’s very popular, it’s our bestseller and it’s something I use on my face every single day. I love the way my skin feels after I use it, and it’s actually a very good replacement to the only other product I’ve used on my face, the Neutrogena deep clean. Before, any time I tried to switch to something else, I would see reactions. So then I would go back to it (Neutrogena) and then my skin would go back to being normal. I was using that since high school. I made the switch (to KKBoutique’s 2 in 1 mask and cleanser) about 8 years ago and that has been my go to.
What are some of the ingredients in that product?
All our products are made with natural ingredients and a minimal number of ingredients as well. Turmeric is the most important one because it has anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial properties. We have quinoa flour.
Quinoa flour, wow!
Yeah! Coconut milk powder, and chickpea flour.
Very interesting! I’ve not heard quinoa flour in a product before!
Quinoa helps with the skin’s elasticity. It makes for a really nice, natural grain. It helps with exfoliating your skin and giving it a nice texture and a refreshed look.
So, you just mentioned how your products are not really unique to your brand, that variations of them do exist out there. So, I think something many of us struggle with or fear when we want to start something new is that something similar is already out there. Did you have such fears and how did you overcome them?
Yes! At the time I started doing this I wasn’t really thinking business. I wasn’t thinking, “Oh I’m going to get this out on the market. I’m gonna open up a shop. I’m gonna put up a website.” I was doing it for myself and testing it out on myself. Then when I was happy with the benefits I was getting from it, I really wanted to share it with my family and friends and also have them enjoy the benefits of it. So, I started putting together my products in little gift baskets and that’s what I would give to my family and friends for their birthdays and Christmas. I stopped buying skin products in the drugstore or department store and gave them my own products. After some time, I started getting some really good feedback from my family and friends and you could see they were also very happy with the way their skin looked and felt. So then eventually they would start pushing me to start a business. At the time it wasn’t even top of mind for me. And that was during my infertility journey, before I got pregnant, before I had my baby. Fast forward 4 years, 5 years, when I was at the end of my maternity leave, I did not want to go back to work. So, I thought about what else I could do to keep myself busy and stimulated, and possibly earn an income and that’s when I started taking it seriously. And slowly started doing that.
But for people who might have those fears, especially if they’re seeing that there are so many other people out there doing the thing they want to do, I would ask myself the question, “What is my superpower?” You know that quote that goes, “Your superpower is you.” The actual quote is “ No one is you and that is your superpower” It’s really a matter of what you can offer that’s different and how you can stand out from your competition or what unique service offering and what value you can bring to your customers through your products. It’s a matter of doing your research, your due diligence, figuring out what your passion is and how you can make a difference.
When you started your brand, was self-love already the theme or was it something you came up with later?
I came up with it much later. I wasn’t really thinking about all of that. I just started and I just went with the motions but recently, I feel like the topic of self-love has become very popular. Or personally, I’ve only seen it come up a lot recently. But the problem is that I think a lot of people don’t even understand what it is. And self-care and self-love are kind of intertwined. A lot of people don’t even take the time to perform acts of self-care because of their lifestyle or they just don’t know how to prioritise themselves, to do whatever they need to recharge. So I think it’s very important we raise the awareness of what self-love is, how important it is for you. I think if I could help raise that awareness through KKBoutiqueco, help them do more self-care acts by using our products, I think I would be contributing a small percentage to their journey to loving themselves.
That’s beautiful! So, your brand came to be when you were on your journey to become a mum. How long did it take for you to be diagnosed with unexplained infertility?
I was diagnosed pretty early in the journey. A year into trying. And the journey was quite long, it was 9 years. It was a very difficult time.
And how did you get through that time? I know it’s such a simple question to ask, but how did you!
Like anyone going through it, there’s no blueprint. There’s no here’s what you should do to get through this very difficult time. You just kind of go with the motions. I was diagnosed quite early, I had regular periods. There were no obvious issues that could be identified. So, I would get my period month after month, year after year, and there was no result or outcome from seeing specialists, from trying different things. What did also help me was the very supportive circle I had around me at all times. I had my friends, I had my family but for people going through it, even if you have supportive family and friends, it helps ease the pain a little bit, but no one really understands what you’re going through.
Does it feel like an isolated experience in a way?
Yes! For sure! Especially when you have friends that are pregnant or have babies. When you want that to happen for you despite all of your efforts. When other people are going around experiencing the motherhood journey, it can be very difficult, you’re happy for them because that’s what you want for them and yourself. You’re happy they’re getting it as well but it can be daunting if you have been in it for so long and there’s no end in sight. There’s no hope so it can be very frustrating and very painful and it can really mess with your head and emotions. But I had a lot of support, I also sought out a lot of help, like people who are going through it through on YouTube videos. I was looking at fertility forums online, I was trying to do a lot of research on how to improve my reproductive health. I have really good friends I can speak to and they are really helpful. Family of course. I can’t give you an answer, it was a combination of a lot of things. It was also a combination of having tenacity and hope. Because I wasn’t going to settle. I think I did right before I got pregnant but for a long time, it wasn’t a question, it was going to happen for me.
Trying to figure out how to get pregnant can be fairly invasive, with all the treatments and testing processes. That must have taken an emotional toll on you. And you had 2 miscarriages, which must have caused some grief or maybe even guilt, so how did you get through that time or what would you say to a woman who was just diagnosed with something like this?
You’re absolutely right, it’s super invasive. Even if you’re not doing invasive treatments, the whole testing process can be invasive. But the silver lining in all of that is that by the time you’re halfway through, you become desensitised to it. So, it doesn’t bother you anymore. But I did go through a couple of miscarriages. I got pregnant both times naturally. I did do treatments, but it didn’t work. So luckily, I did get pregnant naturally, and then unfortunately, I miscarried both times. So, what would I say to somebody? Even though I went through this infertility journey, others going through it right now, may not be able to relate to me. It’s a tough one. The only advice I could really give is in today’s testing for example, like diagnostic testing, it’s very hard for specialists to identify minute reasons you might not be able to get pregnant. They can see major reasons. But if you fall under the unexplained infertility category, there might be subtle factors that could impact fertilisation and conception. And they won’t go the extra mile to dig deeper to figure out why it’s all happening. So that kind of falls on you; to advocate for yourself and do the research. You can’t always look to a doctor or specialist and hope they have all the answers because they don’t. They are seeing you and thousands of other patients. So, they’re just doing the bare minimum. They’re telling you to try this and try that in hopes that it will work. My advice is really to consider your options and sometimes that option doesn’t have to be going through a fertility specialist or clinic. It could be alternative methods, it could be seeing a naturopath doctor, or a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor, it could be about practising certain techniques at home that could maybe improve your chances of getting pregnant. It could be changing your diet, eating healthier, eating organic foods, high fibre foods, and staying away from coffee or alcohol. There’s a lot of information out there that can help you increase your chances on your own. But if you’re finding that you have been doing that and you need professional help, consider the naturopath or Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor. Just simple things like exercising can help. And then when you’re seeing your fertility specialist, if you’re going with the medical route, usually they take you from a less invasive treatment process to more invasive like IVF or IUIs where there’s insemination involved. I would definitely try to stick with the less invasive treatments because those are less expensive as well. And there’s a higher percentage of patients that come out of it getting pregnant. That’s the kind of advice I would give, hopefully it helps. And make sure you have a very strong support system around you.
In the women’s reproductive health setting, many women have horror stories about how the doctor wasn’t taking them seriously or about trying so many different treatments with no idea which one is going to work and how exhausting it is – when it comes to fertility, how do you determine when to push back at the doctor and become your own advocate?
I dealt with three different doctors. I switched from one clinic to another. In all three interactions, I felt that I was able to make the call at the end of the day. Maybe it’s because of my condition and there wasn’t much to do. Because I had regular periods, it’s not like they had to give me medication to help me regulate, to help ovulation happen. It was already happening on its own so there was no issue there. We found out later that my problem was diminished reserve and poor egg qualities and that’s why I wasn’t able to get pregnant successfully. So in those cases, they won’t even recommend the other available treatments that are more invasive. They suggested cycle monitoring as the best one because my reproductive system seemed to be working as it should. Cycle monitoring went on for several years until I was kind of tired of it. And I was the one asking, pushing for other types of treatments. And this was in between leaving the clinic and seeing a naturopath. Sometimes I was seeing a naturopath and a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor at the same time just to up my chances. And naturopaths and TCM doctors do work with fertility specialists so there’s no issue there. But if you feel like you’re not agreeing with the prognosis, you can say no. You can speak up. You don’t have to go with what the doctor says. Again it just falls on you to do the research yourself, talk to people. Even me! Just reach out and you can talk to me if you want. If you know someone who has been through it, it helps to get that kind of information. Especially if you’re new to this whole thing and you’re in the mindset that the doctor knows everything but that’s not always the case.
I think in our community and actually most communities, they can make you feel like you a failure for not getting pregnant because it’s presented as something that happens so naturally and effortlessly. When you see Tamil movies and shows, she gets married and then she’s throwing up the next day! But when you look at the statistics or even friends’ experiences, you realise things like miscarriages and infertility are a lot more common than you would expect. The bulk of this issue comes from not having enough people talking about it and there’s a lot of shame and taboo attached to it. As someone who is going through an infertility journey, what can you share with friends or family (if you’re willing to share) to help them understand how to support someone going through a fertility journey or to establish some boundaries?
That happened to me where random relatives who you don’t really have a relationship will just come to you after the first year, second year of marriage, and do that. I’m sure everyone can relate when they hear this. But that’s just the way things go in our community, right. But like you said, it’s extremely important to talk about it as much as we can. Because the generation before us, the generation our parents come from, they came from a different time where you can talk like that and that was okay. You could ask those uncomfortable questions and that was normal. But it’s our job to turn it around on them and say you can’t do that. You can’t ask me such a private question when you don’t know even know what’s going on. It’s going to be a long, long road. It’s not going to happen overnight and some folks from the previous generation may not get it, ever. But the idea here is you have to be open to talking about it. Which I wasn’t. I wasn’t open to talking about it for a very long time. It was very private for me. I didn’t even talk to my family about it at the very beginning, to be honest. They didn’t know about my first miscarriage because I didn’t want to cause grief to everyone else. I just felt like it was such a sad thing to go through, and I didn’t want anyone else being worried for me. Maybe that wasn’t the right approach. Maybe I was experiencing way more stress than I would have if I had confided it with them. But I would say that starting to be okay and open to talking about it is the first real step.
In terms of sharing things they can do to help you along, you can just tell them you need their support and it really means the world if they are there for you. If they can check in on you, remember you on days like Mother’s Day for example so that you don’t feel left out. Maybe you might not ask them to do these things for you. But to people who might want to hear this, who have family members or friends who are going through an infertility journey, these are the ways you can help them. You can offer to be there for them. You can offer to attend those difficult appointments with them, if they need you there. If someone’s going through secondary infertility and already have children, you can offer to watch their kids when they have to go for appointments. You can be their exercise buddy, you can even do the whole health kick together and it could be good for you too. Your friend will have that motivation to keep going and keep trying. I think just being understanding, maybe even doing some homework yourself and just being the person your friend can rely on, get that source of comfort from can be helpful.
And this stigma of feeling not good enough because you’re not a mum yet, or having that feeling when your friends become mums and you want to be happy for them, but you have your own emotions as well, how do you put these all on mute and focus on what’s important which is you becoming a mum?
It’s hard. It’s not easy to do. I went through it for so many years. Even when you hear about so and so became pregnant and it’s someone you don’t even interact with, it’s still very hard. Because it’s this feeling of why is it happening to her and not me? And I’m trying everything I can, but I think what’s important to know is that everybody has their time. And your time may or may not come. It’s a matter of not comparing yourself to other people. The natural reaction to anyone going through this is that they’re going to fall into some depression. Depending on how bad they want it. And for me, the more it didn’t happen, the more I wanted it; the more I forced it to happen. Maybe that wasn’t the right approach because when you’re forcing it to happen, and you have your own timelines set in your head, like I must get pregnant before I’m 32, or 35, it’s really, really bad to put that kind of pressure on yourself. As hard as it is, you have to try to see the positive and maybe get your mind off of it. I remember seeing an opportunity to go volunteer within an organisation in our community and I took it. Because I thought I need to take my mind off this. I need to do something different, I need to stimulate myself in other ways. And so I volunteered at a youth leadership programme which was so rewarding. Not to say it solved my problem or it took away the sadness but it did help me get through it. At the same time, if you’re having a hard time dealing with it, I would consider professional therapy. Which is something I also did. And that’s not something that’s only going to help you get through this rough time, it will also benefit you in all areas of your life.
And you’ve said you went quite extreme, you changed your diet, you quit your job as well!
I did quit my job! That’s one thing I also did. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, I thought about it for over a year and a half. I thought the stress of work was also impacting my chances of getting pregnant. Again, I had these timelines in my head I wanted to meet and it was like if I don’t quit my job, then it’s not going to happen for me so maybe I should just take a break and I thought about it for a very long time. I think I just knew I had to do it at the time I did. I didn’t get pregnant right away, I think it took about over 2 years after I quit. It was at that time I was volunteering and developing these products. I think sometimes you have to do certain things, just follow your instincts. I’m not saying go quit your job! For people who love their job, that is their saving grace, that’s how they will get their mind off it. But for me, that’s what I had to do for myself and I don’t regret it. I didn’t go back to work until Logan was born.
I was just going to ask you that! So, hindsight is 20-20 right? Was it a case where you actually didn’t like your job and then you wanting to get pregnant was kind of the trigger to leave or was it you couldn’t get pregnant and you thought “Let’s quit my job and focus on this” and then from there, somehow KKBoutiqueco was born?
That’s exactly it. I’m not going to say I hated my job, I just didn’t feel I was passionate about it enough to endure the stress of it while dealing with infertility. It didn’t make any sense to me. So that’s the reason I left. And then in that journey, KKBoutique was born.
Many mums talk about finding it hard to have time for themselves, no less to have some time for acts of self-love and self-care. As a mum, and as someone who runs a business focusing on self-love, how do you find the time? Or what does self-love and self-care mean to you?
Self-love is becoming a very popular topic in recent times. And it’s really important. What it means to me, is that it’s the relationship you have with yourself. The quality of the relationship you have with yourself. It could be compared to the relationship you have with loved ones like your friends or your partner or child. It’s about treating yourself the way you treat them. And a lot of people don’t do that. Self-love is a mindset, it’s a work in progress. When you have a negative mindset, they say that the law of attraction blocks the flow of positive thinking, positive energy. And then you end up attracting those negative things. And suffering the consequences of your own thinking. So, with self-love it can be compared to that, it can be something you do for yourself. A way that you see yourself, accept yourself, whole-heartedly, you’re accepting your flaws, your failures, you’re accepting your past for what it was. And you are pretty much loving yourself, unconditionally. Like you would, your child! With self-love, it takes work, it takes practice. It’s something that you consciously have to do every day. Everyone has negative self-talk. Everyone has voices in their heads that can be critical. It’s about stopping that and replacing it with positive self-talk and affirmations. I think everybody has to spend the time to kind of delve into that and think about it. And there’s so many benefits to doing that, you have better mental and physical health, you’re able to build self-confidence, and you’re able to build resilience to help you through challenges in life. And you generally have a greater sense of happiness. I’m guilty of not doing that for so many years. I’m starting to appreciate and value what that is. And for some people, it might seem like a concept that’s just not attainable because… life! You go through ups and downs but when you love yourself unconditionally, you can go through these peaks and valleys a lot easier. When you’re able to do that for yourself, then you’re able to offer a better version of yourself to those around you.
To answer your earlier question about being a mum and juggling all these things, I’m not going to sit here and say Sundays are my self-care days. All day, every Sunday, every month, no it’s not like that. Being a mum in general, is tough. Even if you’re not a mum, even if you’re working full-time and have other social commitments, there are so many people out there that don’t practice self-care. Because they don’t prioritise themselves. That needs to change. But as a mum I do try to leverage every little moment I can for myself. When Logan is sleeping, I will take a nice long shower and that will be how I enjoy my me-time.
With your shower steamers!
Yes! With my shower steamers, exactly! And my sugar scrubs! That is a 100% true! Then I catch up on Netflix, I recently started training with a trainer. I’ve been wanting to do that for several years because I can’t do it on my own. I do do it but it’s not on a regular basis and I want to be able to feel the benefits of being active and leading a healthy lifestyle as well. So I finally did it. I finally prioritised myself and that was a big move for me. Because for several years, I would say to myself or I would hear voices in my head saying “You can’t afford that” or “You don’t deserve that” or “Only people who can afford it should do that. Or only celebrities can do it. But I finally said to myself, I’ve been talking about this for so long, I think I’m just going to do it. There’s an opportunity to do it and I don’t regret that decision at all.
And you’re doing that as a mum! When many people would be like I don’t even have time for myself, I’m not going to work out!
That’s the reason! Thank you for saying that! That was another reason I also thought “Where am I going to find the time?”, “I’m going to have to find Logan a babysitter, I don’t want to bother my friends and family to look after him when I do this” or “He’s going to miss me when I’m gone” it’s just making excuses. At the end of the day, you realise, those are just excuses and sometimes you just have to kind of move yourself up on the top of the list. And really recognise that you deserve it.
At the end of the day, what would you like to be known for?
I want to be able to inspire and motivate women, men, whoever, and be an example that you can follow your passions. You can overcome major challenges in your life. And come out of it at the end, happy. I’m not saying there’s a happy ending and a perfect ending, life is continual and there’s so much to learn from your failures. There is something I read by Oprah Winfrey where she says “Everybody has a supreme destination”, “Everyone on earth has one destination” and you will get there. There’s no right or wrong, there’s no such things as mistakes. When things happen and you see them as failures or mistakes, those are just things that happen that take you off the path. But eventually when you’re in tune with your purpose, you will get back on the path, you will end up at that destination. I love that quote and it resonates so much and it really helps to view your life and your past as not to regret those things. And not to dwell on those regrets. So always seeing, always learning from your failures because your failures are really teachings. I just hope I’m able to inspire others to do the same!
What would you like to share with the woman struggling to find her niche or her passion?
I would start with maybe trying to identify your interests or your passions. What are your strengths? What is your superpower? And then figuring out if you are indeed passionate about what it is you want to do because if you’re not, if you don’t care about the area you want to get into then most likely you’re not going to be successful in what you want to do. Again, I would suggest doing some research, seeing what your competitors are doing or what others in the same niche are doing and asking yourself how can I position myself to help me stand out. Or what can I do to differentiate myself and to offer something unique to my audience. To be an entrepreneur means to be a good starter. So just do it. Just start doing it, learn from your mistakes and that way you will just do better and that will set the tone for the rest of your journey.
I really like that. I like how you said being an entrepreneur means to be a good starter.
Yeah! That’s a common theme I’ve been hearing everywhere, podcasts I listen to, people I’v e met in real life, you just have to start. There’s no point in waiting. I do that all the time, like I don’t want to do this yet, I want to look into this some more, I want to be more confident about it before I start. But you just have to start. There’s no perfect entry. Because it kind of ends up being a snowball effect. You start and then it just moves.
What does the word “tenacity” mean to you?
To me, tenacity means being fierce and determined. And identifying what your purpose is and going and getting it. There might be obstacles in the way, but you’re still able to plough through and make it happen.
You can learn more about KKBoutique through their Instagram or website and you can learn more about Karthika through her Instagram!
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