Hafidzah - Restless, Resilient, Authentic
Our fourth tenacious woman is air traffic controller turned aspiring graphic designer, Hafidzah! This month, this introduction is going to be a little different as I am introducing my very good friend of 10 years! The thing about long term relationships is, you think you know someone and you start to get comfortable with your idea of who they are and what they are like. Then they do something completely out of left-wing that reminds you why you thought this person was cool in the first place and you feel proud and privileged to call them a friend. And that’s exactly how I feel about Hafidzah. When I met her, she was this quiet girl who worked hard in school and wrote interesting blog posts. We went on to university and she surprised me with her choice of major as Geography was not a subject she had done in school. And then she threw me another curveball saying she applied to be an air traffic controller once we had graduated. I found her job incredibly cool and incredibly badass - my friend directs and lands planes for a living!! Though she had her doubts when applying for the job and when making progressions once she did get the job, I would have always placed any amount of bets on her - she’s the hardest working person I’ve ever known with the remarkable ability to centre herself and draw from within the strength to keep going.
Somewhere along the road, the tough nature of the job, the hours, and her own mental health started to nag at her saying maybe it’s time she tried something else. Which is why understandably, she quit. I asked her what her plans were and she said she was going to take some time to focus on herself. Fast forward a couple of months and she tells me she’s thinking about doing something in design. I thought, “Girl? What?!” The last six months have been a whirlwind, listening to her fascinating stories and enthusiasm about design. If you’re wondering about my friend, or what it is like to make a 180-degree career switch at the age of 26 and pick up a course at the age of 27, here’s Hafidzah’s feature.
When or how did you realise you would want to do something creative?
I have always thought I have a creative side since I was young. I used to be very quiet and shy growing up, and I sought company in books and music. Needless to say, creative writing and performance arts were things I dabbled with in school as a way to express myself. When I was working my first job, I was mentally tired a lot of the time and gradually it felt like I was slowly losing that creative spark I once had. So I looked into potential careers which would allow me to rediscover that feeling of excitement again in coming up with ideas and imagining possibilities. That sort of led me to consider trying out graphic design. It was different, something I have never done before but yeah it got me really excited about what I can do and the things I can potentially learn.
Was it easy to make the decision to leave your previous job?
It wasn’t easy in the beginning. It felt like I was giving up and generally, I don’t give up easily. It was hard because I knew I had responsibilities at home. I just got to a point where I didn’t think I could do a few more years and still be happy. Eventually, I felt like I had to do this more for my mental health. So knowing I was going to leave this place by a certain time made things easier. In a way it changed my perspective - I enjoyed working there, I enjoyed my time there and then it was my time to leave.
I think even for me - the choice of design was quite a surprise. How did you land on this choice?
I chose design mainly because I wanted to utilise a different creative side of myself. I’ve always been a thinker rather than a doer. I would look at art pieces, photographs, or designs that inspired me, but it never occurred to me to create rather than to admire and observe. So I thought maybe in design I could just do things instead of thinking about things. It was a way of challenging myself to be more creative by using a different or new set of skills.
So you hadn’t planned on it either?
Yes! I have a general plan of what my life can aspire towards, but I leave a lot of flexibility in between to explore options. I just feel like if something feels right, I should just go for it. It was just one of those things that never crossed my mind at all. I’ve never thought of doing design in my entire life. It was a different way for me to channel my creativity. I’ve always been a writer - creatively, writing has been my thing.
When you started this course, you mentioned seeing course-mates who are younger and/or more talented and feeling intimidated by that. And that the focus of the course was on designs that were trending. But meanwhile, you wanted to stay by minimal, classic designs which you thought was true to you. How did you stay authentic to that?
I think it’s knowing that everyone has something different to offer. For me, my preferences have always been towards the minimalist side. It’s never been a difficulty for me to follow that trend. I also feel like I’ve never been the type of person who goes for trends. I go against trends in general. Even if someone tells me this movie is trending right now, I probably won’t watch it because I probably won’t like it. That’s always been my perspective. I do things that inspire me or represent me in a way. Which is not always the majority mindset.
And how did you not feel threatened by the competition?
Sometimes there was that part of me that was threatened. I was doing something totally new. I knew I was going into brand new territory. Especially when you know some of them had design backgrounds or you see their designs and realise they have something they can offer. Sometimes it did intimidate me a bit. I think it’s a process of knowing that at the end of the day, we are all different people. Maybe those designs might appeal to someone but not to another person. So I chose to think about how design is different for everyone rather than thinking about specific people. I told myself even if nothing comes out of this like a job, I am grateful to have gained new experiences.
How does it feel to have made a career switch at 26?
I think having a career switch at 26 is normal for some people. I feel like 26 is still a very young age and a good time to pursue your interests and hobbies. To me, it wasn’t much of an issue. But I also knew I had to be financially prepared for this journey. Making sure I was financially ready for rainy days, having another income to fall back on were the kind of considerations I had to make. Maybe I’m idealistic, but I’m also a bit pragmatic about the real world. Having the opportunity to explore means having enough resources to not depend on other people, especially in terms of finances.
What did you think it would be like to learn a new skill set? How similar or different was the actual experience?
I knew starting something will always be difficult, while also being quite excited about trying it out. I am a sponge when it comes to learning and trying something new. So that excitement is truly the driving force behind my motivations for most of my life goals so far! *laughs. I also put in a lot of effort into everything I do. I think that’s how I go into doing new things. Knowing that this is interesting yet difficult. But then I get to look back on it and wonder holy shit, I did that. Gaining that sense of achievement is amazing, especially knowing I had to push past my comfort zone. And as much as I felt like I was ready before embarking on a particular thing, I knew I might complain or that it might suck sometimes. But when I look back at it, I feel very grateful for the opportunity to pick this up.
Looking back would you have done anything differently with your career switch?
I wouldn’t. I feel like getting my first job was important. It helped me understand what a workplace environment can be like and the many challenges that can arise from being in a workplace environment as opposed to a classroom environment. That was really important. I think it also has given me a lot of resilience for the real world. At the end of the day, even though I had some challenges at my workplace, I feel like I learned a lot from it. I was quite grateful for the job for giving me a bit of financial freedom while I explore my next options. To be honest, I think that was the most important part of the job. And being able to pay off student loans.
What was a common question you got while studying design or choosing to quit your job that frustrated you?
I think a lot of people mentioned that you don’t earn much from design. Or that you are definitely going to work a lot of hours. I don’t disagree with them. But design is also a much-needed service in the world. In general, design is everywhere we see, from advertisements to signages we see when we walk on the streets. Even if we don’t take a second look to stop and see, design is everywhere. Even the chair we are sitting on right now was designed by someone. I would say it really is a lot of hard work. It also takes a lot of guts to get your work out there which is a challenge for a lot of people - to have your work out there and being okay with getting disapproval. That is something I still struggle with sometimes; publishing any sort of creative work. I remind myself that I am a beginner at a lot of things and there is a huge community of people just like me doing this and that comforts me because it’s like we are all going through something similar at any given point in time and there is a sense of support.
I also got the common questions like “Why did you quit when the job paid so well?”, “Why couldn’t you stay a few more years and just stick it out?” My only response is money is not my motivation, I gave it all I had over there. I worked my butt off to get to where I was in that job and I earned a decent salary, but it got to a point where working hard did not get me very far and I felt stuck. That was when I knew it was time to leave.
You have been supporting three of your siblings for a long time now. Did this in any way influence your decision or choice to switch careers? How did you strike that emotional balance or knowledge that this is something you have to do for yourself now?
Yes, it did! *laughs. To be honest, my priority has always been to embark on my life choices and then think of how I can support the family through the choices I made. I have spent a majority of my life providing emotional labour, caregiving, and financial support to my family, especially my siblings, which I felt like I had no control over. So it was important for me to have autonomy in my life choices. And, I feel like they’re at an age now where they are more independent. So I didn't worry about them as much. But it did worry me that I might have to find other ways that are non-financial to support them. So, that was a challenge. I don’t know if I can inspire them with where I am now but they definitely know I work very hard. Whatever I do, I’ve always worked very hard. I don’t pressure them to do the things that I do. Because I always acknowledge that we are all very different in general. But I do make them understand that if you want to achieve something, you really have to work hard. So I hope I can inspire them that way.
To be honest, is this where you saw yourself at the age of 18, 21 or even 25? How much have you strayed from that path or how much have you stayed on it?
I’ve strayed from every single path I’ve known since I was 17!! *laughs. I don’t know why!! I’ve done like a 1000 other things compared to the things I’ve imagined myself to do! But that’s the fun part I guess. Knowing that the future is never set in stone. And knowing that at the end of the day there are so many options you can steer towards. Previously when I was in university, I thought I would be in environmental work. But things didn’t turn out that way. I realised that Singapore has many regulations that make it impossible to work strictly in environmental work. Then I had ideas of going into animal welfare. But knowing the difficulties here, it’s a challenge. At the end of the day, I think what matters is whatever path that inspires me to explore while allowing me to stay true to my values and beliefs, even if other people may think it’s unconventional.
And you definitely know yourself better now than you did at the age of 18, 21 or 25. Do you feel like you have a better vision for yourself on where you could be in 3 to 5 years now than you did back then?
I think that’s something I’m always going to be doing - exploring my options. Never really settling for something, unless I really firmly believe that this is it. I think I’m the kind of person who never really settles on something. But that’s good because it means I’m constantly growing and learning. And reflecting on what I can do better to learn more about myself and the people around me.
And at the end of the day, how much do you think you could plan for these visions or do you think these are things you figure out as you go?
I think it depends on different people. Some people are comfortable setting a solid 3-5 year plan. Because that’s how they organise themselves to be ready for those years. But for me, I’m okay with just putting out a general idea. Like, in 3-5 years I want to work in this industry. Or I want to try doing something particular. And if I get there, that would be great and if I don’t get there, something better is out there for me.
This is the age where people expect us to be married, to have a stable job, and to be having children - or even all 3 at the same time. I mean, we know people who are doing these things. How have you found the internal balance to be happy with where you are and to not chase what society tells us to?
I think at the end of the day it’s about whether you are happy with where you are in life. Society will inevitably judge you no matter what. Whether you’re married, unmarried, divorced, etc. So, I guess the only way is to be happy with what you’re doing. If you’re happy having a family or if you’re happy being single even if you’re 40, it’s fine. Everyone has their own journey in life where they have different paths.
At the end of the day, what do you want to be known for?
I want to be known for being true to myself. Usually, when I meet people, I can be quite open but I can be quite hesitant to open up a lot as many may not agree with my views about topics like marriage, or having kids. I hope I am able to convey my authenticity through my interactions with others.
What does the word "tenacity" mean to you?
I think being tenacious is about standing firm to who you are. And continuing to do things that drive you forward regardless of what anyone thinks. Regardless of whether you feel it might not be productive to anyone. I think it’s about being okay with where you are and being grateful for being able to experience all these different emotions and moments. It’s not always about being Instagram happy. I think people forget that. Happy pictures don’t necessarily show struggles or difficulties. Everyone has their own demons to conquer and it’s a skill to embrace those demons.
What would you like to share with the woman struggling to find her niche or passion?
Never stop exploring. Even if it is an idea out of the world. Even if it’s just a tiny little spark, even if you doubt that it could go anywhere, I think you should give it a go. Because you never know where it can take you. And even if it ends up nowhere, at the end of the day, you tried it. I think trying it is better than just having it in your head. Oh, and don’t let other people stop you from trying something! More often than not, people are too busy focusing on themselves or their work to focus on you specifically. So, you know what, just get out there and do it.
If you would like to find out more about Hafidzah or follow her work, you can do so by following her on Instagram.
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