Some Concerns I Have As A Single Person
Lately, I feel like I keep hearing (especially from people who are couples or a family) that I have nothing to worry about. That my life is good, problem-free, and I'm just living the happy-go-lucky life. I find it a little unfair, and if anything, a little insulting. I get it, I get that once you have a partner, a house, a child, and all these depending factors on you, you have to think about them before you make nearly ALL decisions. I get it. But isn't that life? That every stage has its own pros and cons? Why is it that being single, and thus devoid of such factors automatically makes you worry-free? Are we not allowed to go through the negative emotions? Are we supposed to tell ourselves "Well, at least I'm single!" to reframe our train of thoughts? It feels like a trite analogy and just a little bit like toxic positivity.
I have this nasty habit of developing a rash or hives around my neck when I'm very, very stressed out. Specifically, when I have something I need to say, but I'm holding back and it's stressing me out - listen, if I didn't believe in "blocked energies" and "throat chakra" before this, I kind of do, just a little bit now. Because miraculously, when I HAVE said my piece, the rash kind of disappears after a few days. There's still nothing concrete to it medically and all it needs is some over the counter topical cream to manage the symptoms. Someone said to me the other day after hearing about the rash "What do you have to worry about?" Which again, I found a little annoying. So, being me and unable to tell them directly, here I am writing out a list of concerns I have. Lest I get another round of rashes around my neck again. This is a little sample of the things that go through my head almost every single night and keep me awake for at least an hour after I'm in bed.
1. Should I be freezing my eggs?
I mean honestly, how depleted must my egg reserve be at 29?
But I am turning 30 in November. That must mean something.
Wait. Do I even want children??
I mean, that’s probably why I should freeze my eggs, right? In case I decide to have children and I still have viable eggs?
Can my eggs even produce healthy babies?
What about all the products I used before that had parabens in them? Did they affect my fertility chances?
(Why is the research on parabens still so inconclusive? How hard is it to determine if something is a toxin or not?)
Well, my period is regular so that should be fine right?
Is that enough?! A regular period? I have been told I could have PCOS.
2. But do I HAVE PCOS? Should I have gotten that tested?
3. Nope. My body, my choice. I do NOT like such personal information being so accessible and tagged to my identity card number.
4. I mean is that a big deal anyway? That such information is tagged to something so identifiable like my tax information? Why does all of this just feel like such a violation?
Like, would I still be okay with this after I’ve had sex since I don’t have to subject myself to such horrible forms and non-disclosures?
Like, what changes then?
God if only I had a healthy emotional attachment, I wouldn’t even have to be worrying about any of this right now.
Is it me?
5. Am I blocking the energy in some way? Is that why I’m still single? Something about me is just not relationship material?
6. Like why is everyone’s reflex to tell me to broaden my choices or lower my expectations once they find out I’m single/ don’t have a boyfriend or fiancé anyway?
Isn’t that kind of rude? To assume someone is nitpicky or too high maintenance BECAUSE they’re single?
What did I request for that’s “too much”?! Someone who has goals, someone who respects people.
I mean why is that even on a list? You would think people would respect people in 2021 but nope. Every time you go to a restaurant it’s a horror story waiting to end up later on Reddit about how disgusting humanity is.
What IS wrong with people anyway?! Why are we still on one job is more prestigious than the other?! EVERYONE’s job matters, that’s how we keep the socioeconomic status of a country going and you still want to play the “Do you know who I am?!” card on a poor child that’s just trying to earn some money to support themselves or in some sadder situations, their family.
Oh and someone who is supportive of my goals and dreams because I know I would be THERE for him.
This is too much? This is my impossible to achieve list? Because everyone I have talked to has either insulted me or someone else within 5 minutes of talking?
7. Yeah, no I don’t really want to settle on that. That’s non-negotiable. I do NOT want to spend the rest of my life keeping that part of me on mute.
8. But I am an extrovert. I THRIVE on talking to people. At this rate, I’m just supposed to spend the rest of my life living with me, myself, and I?!
What is wrong with being single anyway?
Or have I been going about this all wrong? Have I been wrong in my fundamental assumption that I would be spending the rest of my life with a man?!
9. I can’t believe I wasted so much energy fretting about this. Most of the days I get by my projects, my life and I’m fine. I just have this crisis because someone asked me about my relationship status. Why does it bother everyone SO much anyway?
10. I try to talk about my blog instead, my proudest accomplishment and I feel like I get a patronising head pat in return. Because I’m still not a MRS.
11. After ALL these years, writing makes me feel like I’ve found the perfect blend between my inner child and my adult self and yet it's a "still no ring on the finger?"
12. God it’s so embarrassing to be living under my parents’ roof at this age. Renting is so ridiculously expensive and buying a house is not even an option until I’m 35 so that’s like 6 more years?
Why is being single so expensive anyway? I feel like I’m being taxed for not being in a relationship. You want to tax someone, shouldn't you be taxing the top 10%?
13. But if I move out who’s going to be there for my parents? I mean, they deserve my time, attention, and love too.
14. No, that’s just too depressing to think about. We will cross that bridge when it comes. So, for now, no house thinking until 35, no relationship thinking, no thinking about children as refer to point about no partner.
Actuallyyyy, do I need a partner at some point when I feel ready for children and there still isn’t that figure in my life? Like, what if I just adopt? Or just do IVF? Wait, can’t do that in Singapore as a single woman. Is that still the case at 35 or 40? Mental note, do a Google on laws around adoption or finding a sperm donor as a single parent.
Seriously, why is everything stacked against single people?
15. Amazon is just disgusting. I mean, I get it, if the only way you can afford the cost or ownership of a product is through Amazon, I get it, that’s what the entire business is built on but a trillionaire? Seriously? A TRILLIONAIRE? What is WRONG with people? Why could you possibly need more money for you or your lineage when there are people out there who have to wait at least 2 or 3 generations to BREAK the poverty cycle? Some of whom WORK in Amazon. What a heart-breaking juxtaposition.
16. Wait, what’s the point of bitching about him and his money if I don’t even know whether I’m doing enough for the next generation?
Should I find more ways to recycle?
What about my carbon footprint?
Have I cut plastic enough?
How do people even manage to fit their entire trash from the past couple of years in 1 mason jar? Like even with bamboo toothbrushes and whatnot, surely your trash must be more than a mason jar. Like a bucket just feels more believable to the movement, you know what I mean? This just feels a little extreme.
No wonder people resist these zero waste movements and vegan movements so much. Change is uncomfortable.
There needs to be better branding around these movements. I mean if we ALL don’t get on board, 100% of us trying to do 5 to 10% each could be WAY better than what feels like 10% doing 100% of the work right now.
I’m sure eventually more and more people would do more than 5 to 10% anyway, right? RIGHT? Humanity is clearly better than this?
They found a distant planet that’s possibly habitable? Forget it.
17. But honestly though, what would it be like for the human race to move to another planet? Do we also evolve? To the extent we become unrecognisable like dinosaurs became birds? Will we still be able to talk? Communicate? Love?
18. Like would moving to another planet even happen within my lifetime?
19. What if it happens when I’m 80? Will they just abandon the older people to live on Earth and move the younger, and more likely to adapt ones to the newer planet?
20. Oh my god, they would leave the old and sick here to starve/ die until this planet becomes inhospitable, wouldn’t they?
21. What would I even look like at 80? Would my “looking young” genes still be with me? Would I be able to pass for 60? I mean, Appa still looks young for his age. So that should be me too, right?
22. Would the me-too movement still exist when I’m 80?
Would people still be screaming to believe victims?
Would victims’ stories still be marred by the few people who lie and earn the badge of “false accusations” for ALL victims?
23. I wonder how I’ll go.
I wonder what’s beyond.
Is it really nothingness?
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