I Kinda Want to Adult
Do you remember the time when you couldn’t wait to turn 18 or 21 (depending on the restrictions in your society) so that you can FINALLY be an adult? Only for you to go, “Hold on. This is not what I signed up for!” Maybe we can talk another day about how ageist society is (You don’t think so? Have you seen the anti-aging beauty products for teenagers that say things like your skin shows first signs of aging at 25? And the commercials targeting/featuring people beyond a certain age? And all the hair dye for white hair coverage?) but what I wanted to talk about today is the “I don’t want to adult” thing that I’ve been hearing. I think it’s a completely fine thing to say when you’re 21 and still new to all this. I think it’s fine to hold on to the little child in you as you grow older, in fact I think it’s something we all should do. I think it’s fine to say it on a day (or days) responsibilities get the better of us. But sometimes the fickleness, commitment-phobe attitude and immature behaviour that often follows the “I don’t want to adult” irks me.
To be honest, I don’t know when exactly you become an adult. Is it when the cinema doesn’t give you the child discount anymore? Is it when you get your first proper job? Is it when you start showing signs of aging? If it’s aging, then I became an adult at 16 or 22. I found a white hair when I was 16 and I found out that my hair was growing out white when I was 22. And what exactly is adulthood? Getting married, having a job, and raising children? The age bracket from eighteen to retirement? Part of the dissonance of “I don’t think I’m an adult” also comes from the ways adults are portrayed in books, TV shows and movies. Frigid bosses who are completely closed off and magically pay bills and fetch their children from school. “Older” people trying to fit in with younger people and their “Tweetsters” and “Snapbooks” while complaining about their back. As if vitality decreases with age. What doesn’t help things is that the next stage after adulthood is seniority and the inevitable. Truth be told, I don’t think any of us actually does feel like an adult. I think we are all doing a pretty good job of faking it til we make it. I don’t think we ever will feel like adults. One moment in our life, we were these carefree kids running around water sprinklers and adults meant our teachers and parents. Then the next moment we are lumped in the same category as our teachers and parents. One moment our parents were taking care of us, and then suddenly, we are nagging at our parents on whether they have taken their medication. One moment we were surrounded by kids as a kid, and now the kids that surround us are our nieces, nephews, god-children, friends’ children and our own. If you ask me, this whole adult thing is just a term for exponential growth in our lives. In what aspect, you ask? Oh, that’s up to you.
That’s why adulthood is scary, it’s so vague and broad! And that’s why it’s okay to reject being an “adult”. And that’s why many of us default to reminiscing our childhood. It seems simpler, and relatively responsibility-free. But what many of us fail to remember is that memories are often way better than the actual events. We choose to look at the carefree-ness of it rather than the times we were quaking with fear about showing our parents our report cards or the stress we had in trying to defeat the dragon in Mario Bros. These seem simpler in retrospect because we had the growth we needed it for it, and it’s an experience we have had. But back then, that was the biggest thing we had to deal with, and we were stressed and nervous about those things in a way that we can only be at that age. Comparing today to those memories and having a “I don’t want to adult” state of mind 24/7 is not only naïve and counter-productive, it’s detrimental. I see it as synonymous with a rejection of growth. What is the point of living if you’re not growing? In my experience, many of the “I don’t want to adult” people don’t realise that nobody overnights growth. No one becomes an adult overnight. We had the growth we needed when we were children, and now it’s time to continue growing rather than keeping our growth stagnant at that age. The thing about being an adult is, you have to embrace it to become it. You have to embrace growth, and literally, if need be, get off the couch. New experiences teach you things, they make you wiser, and more importantly, they teach you about yourself. And in that process, you grow and become an adult. So, how do you experience new things? Through various responsibilities, commitments and empathy for others. It’s how you form new memories, memories that you can be fond of. Which is why being 29 and hiding under your bedsheet, never wanting to adult and reminiscing about your childhood is not okay. It’s a disservice, especially if you’re being selfish with your needs and emotions. Aging is a natural order of things, and we are not alone in feeling lost, clueless and even a little scared. The trick is to surround ourselves with the right people, so that we are constantly challenged to grow and be better people.
I still don’t see myself as an adult. I just see myself as evolving over the years. And it has been great! I have a better command of myself, I’m starting to know what I like (rainy days) and what I don’t like (mocha and chocolate powder on my cappuccino) and I now know the worst possible vulgarity you can use on someone is not “stupid”. As long as you’re creating, doing things that make you feel alive, learning, and growing, it doesn’t matter if you’re 6, 26, or 66. Age is after all, just a number.
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