An Ode To Beauty and My Grandmother
My grandmother would promptly wash her face every single day at around 6pm. As soon as it starts nearing 6pm, she would finish up the chore she was doing and head on out back to wash her face. She would then powder her face with Ponds powder, and reapply a fresh dot of குங்குமம்/kungumam to her forehead. We have various liquids, instruments, and stickers these days to help you achieve that perfect circle. But she used the old school, traditional குங்குமம்/kungumam powder in a shade that was an embodiment of the word vermillion. She would draw a neat and prominent circle on her forehead with the precise movement of her fingers. If she had to head out of the house, she would wash her face, apply calamine lotion (for the pinkish tinge it would give), Gokul Sandal powder instead of Ponds (because it smells nicer), and a fresh dot of குங்குமம்/kungumam. She ground her own சீயக்காய்/seeyakkai to wash her hair with (I can’t find the English term, but the scientific term is Acacia concinna if you are interested!) because shampoos be damned. As a young girl, it was all fascinating to me. The pink tone of the calamine lotion didn’t sit well with my yellow undertones (which I didn’t understand why then) but I so desperately wanted to know what it was! And what is this mysterious bunch of leaves you grind to wash your hair? What interesting toys! I didn’t dare to ask her more, because I found her fairly intimidating.
I don’t know if you would have found her physically attractive or beautiful or gorgeous. But there was a certain dignity that she carried with her, and a certain respect she commanded from you. And part of this dignity and respect, came from the குங்குமம்/kungumam that stayed fresh and vibrant through the day, the sarees she wore, and the way she walked with her head held high. She fought to sustain all of the habits I described even after her second stroke, when her movements were fairly limited. She didn’t give out smiles easily, and she wasn’t the type to coddle and indulge you, not even if you were an adorable five year old. But when you spoke to her, if you brought your problems to her, you would walk away feeling re-assured, confident, and optimistic. Life hadn’t been easy on her, which was probably the reason she was tough yet tender at heart. When I think of the term warrior, she crosses my mind sometimes. She passed away after her third stroke when I was 10 years old.
When I saw someone share about their beauty routine for the first time, my grandmother crossed my mind. Something clicked in my head and I realised that she didn’t particularly wash her face and apply the powder for the sake of beauty. It was a ritual and a routine that offered the most basic of self-care. The whole look good, feel good thing. I like to think that these routines gave her a sense of normalcy after her strokes. When I think back of her, I don’t particularly conjure up images of her in her post-stroke days even though those happened in more recent times. I see her in a வெந்தயம்/venthayam coloured (i.e, fenugreek, I know it’s a ridiculous spice, but that’s literally how we describe the colour, it’s this orangish brown. It’s gorgeous, trust me) saree, with her two eye-catching மூக்குத்தி/mookkuthi (nose studs) on either side of her nose, smiling, with her striking குங்குமம்/kungumam.
She didn’t just dress herself by the way. Every time there was a festive occasion around the corner, she would set off with a bag, a flask of tea or coffee, and a bottle of water to town, walk into every jewellery store, every accessory store and every fabric store to find the latest and greatest in glass bangles, sticker பொட்டு/pottu and தாவணி/thavanee (half-saree) for her daughters. I’m talking about the colour that’s trending now, the design that’s trending now and the fabric that’s trending now. But she wouldn’t buy everything that was in right now. Nothing too garish or fashionable for the sake of being fashionable. She bought her daughters clothes and accessories that she thought would make them look dignified.
The point I’m sharing this with you, dear reader, is because, we all know by now that there is a certain emphasis on beauty in society. To me, beauty is everywhere. To me, it’s not just about makeup, and clothes, and pretty things. To me, there’s a certain beauty and grace in all things of nature. A form of humility and confidence, that gives you the “glow from within”, and said beauty and grace. The older I got, I the more I started to realise my grandmother didn’t dress herself for the people she would encounter, or even for her husband. She did it for herself. She had an air of power around her, because she knew she looked powerful. It’s not that the beauty products gave her the confidence, you can take them away from her and she’s still going to be a boss. But it’s what empowered her. No matter how bad of a day she was having, or later, how bad her health was getting, she had this consistency in her life. It was her time for herself. To centre herself, and resume her day.
Most of the time, we feel better when we are in control. When we can do something in our control. When we can fix something in our control. And what’s more comforting than when that something is ourselves? Our confidence? And how we see ourselves? If you ask me, beauty is not something we have to see through for society, it’s something we can choose to see through for ourselves. It doesn’t have to come from a tube of mascara or a stash of குங்குமம்/kungumam, but it wouldn’t be so bad if it did either. I’m not here to promote materialism, and a dependency on makeup for self-worth, but what I am saying is, if it gives you that extra oomph, then so be it. Because how we see ourselves, is how others see us.
Cover image courtesy of: http://wedding-flowers-photo.blogspot.sg/2015/09/byzantine-wedding-flower.html
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