5 Solo Dates to Take Yourself Out On (And Why You Should)
No, this is not a pseudo empowerment post for all my people who will be single this Valentine’s. I see this as a post for everyone, something you can and should do regardless of whether you have a partner.
I don’t know why solo dates have a bad rep. That taking yourself out makes you seem sad or like a loser or that you’re overcompensating for the lack of a partner. Like you are a being with no one to love you. Meanwhile, all the self-help books are telling us that only we are responsible for our own happiness. That depending on the other person can put a strain on our relationships. Whether this whole “out by yourself makes you seem like a sad person” was a ploy devised by businesses to reap fortunes from one specific day in February, or the patriarchy to continue to cultivate the concept that women can’t fend for themselves or take care of themselves, or whether it’s part of the social construct that all humans need human connections to thrive, I think spending time for yourself by yourself with things that you like to do is an important part of taking care of yourself. Especially today where it’s so easy to not be bored – by loading up the same series for the 17th time on Netflix, or browsing social media ever so often, or playing the 23rd spin-off of the same game – we spend plenty of time-consuming things, watching everyone else and their thought processes that we neglect our own. I remember the days before the internet when sometimes I would just be so bored out of my mind that I just lie there, thinking about nothing. These days, there are days I wish I can put my brain aside just for a few minutes because there are too many thoughts fighting to get my attention right this instant.
But ever since I started going out by myself – to shop, watch a movie, get a coffee, and my favourite, a holiday – I started to realise that if I don’t take myself out on a regular basis, that feeling of wanting to hush my brain becomes unbearable. That I can’t even fall asleep for a few days because there are too many things I have ignored, and now it feels like my brain is chattering away at me – happy to finally have its say and input on the three million things I’ve seen since I last let it speak. Having a solo date is not just about self-care and learning to be comfortable with yourself, today, it’s about letting yourself go bored and giving yourself some time to not consume so many things; that it’s about letting your brain breathe.
Now based on a trial and error experience of taking myself out over the years, there are a few cardinal rules I think are essential to set your solo date up for success:
Keep it (the day, the activity you planned to do) fun. Why would you want to be out doing the activity otherwise? If you want to do something no one else would do with you, go for it. If you want to stick to something familiar and stay in your comfort zone, go for it. Key is. Is it fun?
Don’t overdo it. Keep your activity for the day simple! Especially if being out on your own sounds like it’s too far out of your comfort zone. If you still want to give it a shot, I would suggest that you don’t choose an activity that forces you out of your comfort zone. I.e., if rock climbing is something you won’t try with your most supportive friend or family member, don’t give it a shot on your first solo date! You can always start challenging your own boundaries once get comfortable with the idea of being out by yourself – that’s how it worked for me!
Put your phone away. I get it. It’s sort of ingrained in many of us to think that people are judging when you are out by yourself. And so, to not seem so “sad”, you might want to reach for your phone for the security blanket it is and keep your face glued to it. Truth is, most of the time, everyone is caught up in their own insecurities and life. And for the some of the times for the people who are judging you, why does it even matter? Also, it’s to let your own brain run free. Many of us are happy to put our phones away when we are out on a date or girls’ night so that we can give the other person our full attention. But why don’t we do that for ourselves? We deserve the respect and courtesy we give others! Yes, checking the occasional text doesn’t hurt but keeping your nose in your phone is something you can do at home! That’s not what this day is about!
If you’re not having a good time or feel uncomfortable, just call it a day and go back home! Don’t force yourself if you feel like the day is going nowhere and just try again on another day with another activity!
Now for the juicy part! Here are some of my favourite things to do on a solo date!
Watch a movie
If you ask me, this is the easiest thing to do for a solo date. Movies tend to be somewhat of a personal experience anyway so it’s just you and the big screen. It’s also just them and the big screen for plenty of other people too so you don’t really have to worry about being seen alone if that’s a shell you’re still trying to come out of.
When I look back at the number of movies I missed out on to watch in a theatre simply because I didn’t have a friend to go with disappoints me. Taking charge of things and doing what I want instead of forcing someone who is probably not as interested in it has made me realise that if I don’t watch the movie now, I’m probably never going to. And that now or never attitude has started to ripple across many other facets of my life, and shockingly has given a bit of a confidence boost!
Go to a café
As much as I’m all for solo dates, something I’m still not quite ready to do is to go to a restaurant or a place with more than one set of cutlery by myself. I don’t know if it’s because I find fine dining daunting or because of the intimate nature of it so I wouldn’t ask you to do that either. But if you love food as much as I do, something easier would be to go to a nice café (for my Singapore friends, pick something that’s not in Orchard and is on more of an offbeat path so that it feels different). Get a coffee and drink it while you read a book, people watch or something I like to do – “stone”, i.e., staring into nothing while your mind takes a journey of its own and brings up thoughts you didn’t even know you had.
Go to a museum
I’m a geek through and through so ancient dinosaur bones, historic artefacts, something about space? Sign me up! Most of the people in my inner circle would much rather go to an art museum – something I feel too stupid for – so that’s another thing worth giving a shot!
Do a spa day
An hour and a half to two of someone working out your knots and kinks while you can let your mind wander off? Yes, please. It’s also the most relaxing of all, and another activity that you don’t have to worry about being seen alone like movies. I would scour Groupon (I believe it’s called Fave now) to find some fantastic deals for spa day locally.
Go on a vacation
This is what I call the advance level of solo dating. Now, if sightseeing on your own feels a bit much, sign up for a yoga retreat, a tour group you can join once you’re in the country, or other group-based programmes where there are still people but you have large portions of your time to yourself.
Something I learned from my yoga retreat was that these activities also become a great way for you to learn how to make friends – somewhere along the way, I feel many of us become comfortable with the friends we have from school, university and work. And while many of us are accustomed to meeting new people in a date or business setting, the concept of making friends in our 20s and 30s has become novel. Treat it as Bumble BFF IRL! Another thing I have learned from traveling alone is that it gives you a sense of peace, and some distance from your loved ones – in a good way! The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing – and you come back refreshed. Even if all you did was to flake out and hide in your hotel room the entire time you were on holiday!
And if all of these sound too much, you can always have a cosy day by yourself at home! Get in your comfiest pyjamas or home wear, put on a really good movie you consider a ‘classic’ or one you don’t mind giving a shot for the first time, order in or cook your favourite meal, light some candles and wrap yourself in your favourite comforter or blanket! It doesn’t get better than that!
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter, "Thendral's Telegraph" here!*
