26 Lessons From 26 Years
I feel like one minute I was 20, and the next I’m looking at entering my 27th year. To be honest, aging doesn’t completely bother me. Sure, I have my jolts when I catch a new white hair, when I feel sick after eating as much briyani as I used to when I was 18, and when a kid calls me “aunty”. But for the most part, I’m okay to let aging happen, I don’t see the reason in fighting it and I’m just going to do my best to keep up with it. With as much rosehip oil and as much learning as I can possibly do.
So many people say your 20s are for finding yourself, to figure yourself out. It sounds so innocent and harmless, doesn’t it? When you are 22 and you just come out of a relationship, people go “Oh honey, that’s okay. You’re still young, you can find someone else”. When you are 24 and just quit your job, people go “That’s fine, your 20s are about figuring out what you want, you can try something new”. And somehow it’s just implied that you will sooner or later have a career track, a house, someone to love and pay bills with. That you will be in control of your life. As I’m waiting to turn 27, especially after I just quit my job last year to try and figure this whole writing thing out, I can honestly say I just feel like I’m having a hangover from life.
Somehow, as you turn 27, 28 and 29, these become a matter of concern if you don't have them. I don't know why this is the case. Especially when studies indicate that your brain doesn’t hit peak development mid-20s or even early 30s for some. You don’t come into who you are until mid-20s or early 30s so how do you know this is what you want to work as for the rest of your life? This is who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Or that you want to meditate every morning for 20 minutes for the rest of your life?
To be fair, I know of people who are my age and even younger, who have those things – a house, a partner, a successful career, some even have their own business, and generally just look like they are running it. But does that mean I’m not successful in any form? That I have not accomplished anything?
It’s sad that societal construct continues to advocate those things as a mark of success and accomplishment to have or be done in and by your 20s. For an age and period that is advocated as the time you should feel free to explore and grow as much as you want to, this period also seems to be the period so much is expected to be done. And the lack of achieving these things just causes anxiety, burnout, and resentment in the end. So, instead of talking about those things, I thought I would talk about 26 other things that I have personally learned from the past 26 years, that I think are quite important, useful and give me a sense of growth, success and/or accomplishment.
1. You have plenty of time for everything – don’t see things with a “by date” and burn yourself out in that process. Just wrapping up what I have said so far.
2. Nobody will love you like you love yourself and if you can’t love yourself, why would anyone else? So simple.
3. On that note, you are free to do whatever you want to learn to love yourself. There is no fixed method or path in learning to learn yourself. It’s a messy squiggly path. Like Jeremy Bearimy. The dot is your Indian Minnie Mouse voice. And your nose. And sometimes it’s never.
4. Having “me-time”, unfollowing people, expressing what you feel is not being selfish.
5. If you did do that and the other person can’t understand it or appreciate it, it’s not in your hands either.
6. Because nothing and absolutely NOTHING comes above your physical and mental health. So make sure you pay attention to it, and you make the time for it.
7. Criticism is not the same as being critical of someone. If someone you love doesn’t love the recent blog post you made or doesn’t support it, it doesn’t mean they hate you.
8. Continue to monitor, maintain and review on whether your #tribe is positive and supports your goals.
9. Learning how to cook, sew a button and fix something has nothing to do with women’s rights but everything to do with basic sustenance of life and responsibilities.
10. Don’t sit around waiting for opportunities. Sure “opportunity only knocks the door once” makes it seem like opportunity will come your way and that’s great if it did. But also learn to be proactive in creating your own opportunities.
11. And if they didn’t work, that’s fine too because you can’t expect to succeed all the time in the roller coaster of life.
12. You learn more from your failures than your successes so once you are done brooding, stop to examine what went wrong.
13. It’s important to learn how to be by yourself. If you can’t appreciate your own company, why would anyone else?
14. First impressions and instincts matter. They prove to be accurate 99% of the time so listen to them.
15. If you have decided that you are absolutely done with something – a relationship, an idea, an activity, etc., it’s done. Don’t revisit it and wonder if you should re-introduce it in your life. The past remains in the past. It’s okay to cringe about it when you think back because it means you have grown from it, but don’t bring it back.
16. On the other end, dreaming about your future is good too but make sure the time you do actual work is more than the time you spend building sandcastles in your head.
17. If you feel lost and like everyone around is headed somewhere and achieving things, don’t fret. Continue to work on yourself, sooner or later you will learn something about yourself that can give you some direction.
18. Lists are your best friends. Blog title lists, movies to watch lists, long-term goals list, to do list for the day. Lists for Life.
19. Very few things in life are ACTUALLY black and white. Everything else has plenty of grey in between and it’s okay to be in one of those.
20. So you don’t have to feel forced to take a stand about everything – politics, plastic use, pescatarian diets – it’s completely okay to say you’re educating yourself about it. Education is better than ignorance and blind herding.
21. But it’s important to have some principles and some discipline to live by at this age. Have a framework of these at the very least. Like getting up at 8am every day or only purchasing from cruelty-free companies. Some structure is necessary.
22. Set boundaries and limits. For everything. Your budget, your social media consumption, even your #tribe.
23. Success is subjective. Someone’s idea of success doesn’t have to be yours. And also vice versa.
24. You can’t simply share an Instagram quote called “empowered women empower women” and sit around. Start supporting the women in your life, don’t wait for them to do it to you. Practice what you preach.
25. Clear your inbox! Unsubscribe from those mass emails instead of hitting the delete button as soon as you see the sender’s name. God.
26. Appreciate your own growth so far – if you can’t appreciate it yourself, why would anyone else?
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter, "Thendral's Telegraph" here!*
