2018: A Retrospect
Andddd 2018 has pulled a wham bam thank you ma’am. As the second last post of 2018, I would like to do a little summary of 2018, and share some of the highlights and lessons from this year with you.
Let’s kick this off on a positive note and talk about the highlights first, shall we? Undoubtedly, the biggest highlight of this year for me has been the blessing of time and the ability to explore so much in writing. Something I’ve always wanted to do. I feel like I’ve finally had the opportunity to tap into my creativity and let it go WILD. If there was a way to turn that marquee here, I would. It’s gone that #wyld. My creativity has and continues to drive me insane while somehow being the very thing that keeps me anchored and sane. I don’t know how this is the case and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have surprised myself with the amount of work I have done here, the mediums and topics I have explored, and I feel oddly connected to my childhood years. Okay, maybe not that odd since I had the clearest vision of what to do back then. Focusing on what I have always known what to do means I spend a SIGNIFICANTLY lesser amount of time wondering what it would be like to do this instead of my previous job. It means I don’t toss and turn in my bed late at night romanticizing on what could have been. And this extra amount of time has been time for me to reconnect with myself and relearn about myself. I literally pulled “Wow, I REALLY don’t like having a lot of material things, don’t I? I never realized that.” the other day. If my life were a butterfly cycle, I’m in the chrysalis stage right now. I still look pretty much the same outside, but a lot is happening inside. And that has been pretty great too. So yes, my highlight of this year is not a trip to somewhere, it’s not about getting engaged or married, it’s that I learned more about myself in the past year than I have between sometime in 2010 and 2017. And isn’t that what life is about?
Now the biggest lesson of the year has come from social media. I know, I know, I’ve talked about social media a couple of times here already but just hear me out. I’m continuing to figure social media out, and I’m struggling to find the healthy balance between loving it too much on days and hating it too much on other days. Social media has continued to show me that there’s ALWAYS someone better than you in anything. And while that can be humbling, it’s also important to use that to learn that it doesn’t reflect poorly on you in any form. That you are not a loser because someone else is doing so well or is a master of their trade. You have to learn how to be grateful with who you are, where you are and what you have in life. You have to appreciate and nurture your own talents instead of comparing with others.
And the weird thing is, the competition and the pressure that I have felt from social media is actually only in my head at the end of the day. Social media just managed to tap into the areas of my life where I already felt insecure – my looks, whether I can be a good enough writer, my overall self-esteem. The problem here was never social media. It was that I didn’t want my weaknesses to be magnified. But then again, who does right? I had to learn and re-learn that the competition should only be within myself. Because while you spend time competing and trying to be as good as others, you are losing time and focus on what you have. And what you have, will never grow. I had to learn how to use social media to my benefit rather than let social media use me. It’s not about writing so much that I have sponsorships like successful bloggers. It’s not about ads and monetization. It’s not about the numbers and the stats. Right now, it’s about making a post that’s better than the post I wrote yesterday, a post better than last week and the month before. I’ve only been writing for a year now, something I have never done and something people go to university for. So instead of harping on my own inadequacies, I had to, and I’m still trying to make a conscious effort to be appreciative of my own skills, my own growth and people who appreciate my work (That’s you! HI! Thank you!)
2018 was also a key year in teaching me about the value of mental health. I came across this time lapse video recently and honestly, if a plant can flourish SO MUCH with a little bit of TLC, why can’t I? I was the girl who spent every Sunday during my 9-5 days doing meal preps, showering with a body wash that smelled nicer and felt a little bit more indulgent instead of the regular one, doing hair masks and face masks, painting my nails and organizing my room and my life. All that went out the window the minute I decided to pursue my passion. Yes, you have to give up a lot, you have to sacrifice a lot when pursuing your passion but if one of those was your wellbeing, how do you expect to continue to feed what fuels you?
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